Crumpledbigskin

I want to create
To maybe find those who relate
But my struggles feel inadequate
And all I make just simulates
What I can’t explain
And it feels like I feign
These difficulties, opportunistically
To capitalize off my pain

To make art from something difficult
Yeah, I know it can be healing
But how much do I rely
On self-destructive feelings
Will I better myself if the fuel for the fire
Is demoralizing patterns
Is it really constructive?
To wait for the next bad thing to happen

Is it inspiration
Is it a way of confronting?
Am I stagnating?
Or am I overcoming?
I feel like sharing this
Is so unbecoming
And though I want to vent
And pay the rent
Perhaps it’s better to do nothing

How much do I undermine
My own and others trauma?
When I quickly repurpose it
As sellable melodrama?
Sometimes I doubt my self so much
Are my tragedies authentic
Or just a creative writing tool
For me to make a buck quick?

To make art from something difficult
Well, I know it can be healing
But how much do I rely
On self-destructive feelings?