Courting in the Kitchen

Come single belle and beau, and to me pay attention
Don't ever fall in love, it's the Devil's own invention
For once I fell in love with a maiden so bewitchin'
Miss Henrietta Bell, out of Captain Kelly's kitchen

With me toora-loora-la, me toora-loora-laddy
Me toora-loora-la, toora-loora-laddy

At the age of seventeen, I was 'prenticed to a grocer
Not far from Stephen's Green, where Miss Henry used to go, sir
Her manners were sublime, she set me heart a-twitchin'
And she invited me to a hooley in the kitchen

With me toora-loora-la, me toora-loora-laddy
Me toora-loora-la, toora-loora-laddy

Next Sunday bein' the day we were to have the flare-up
I dressed meself quite gay, and I frizzed and oiled me hair up
The Captain had no wife, but he had gone a-fishin'
And we kicked up high life, down below-stairs in the kitchen

With me toora-loora-la, me toora-loora-laddy
Me toora-loora-la, toora-loora-laddy

Just as the clock struck six we sat down to the table
She handed tay and cake, and I ate while I was able
I drank hot punch and tay, till me side had got a stitch in
And the hours passed quick away, when ye're courtin' in the kitchen

With me toora-loora-la, me toora-loora-laddy
Me toora-loora-la, toora-loora-laddy

With me arms around her waist, she slyly hinted marriage
To the door in dreadful haste came Captain Kelly's carriage
Her eyes soon filled with hate, and poison she was spittin'
When the Captain at the door walked right into the kitchen

With me toora-loora-la, me toora-loora-laddy
Me toora-loora-la, toora-loora-laddy

She flew up off me knees, full five feet up or higher
And over head and heels, threw me slap into the fire
Me new Repealers coat that I bought from Mr. Mitchell
With a twenty-shillin' note, went to blazes in the kitchen

With me toora-loora-la, me toora-loora-laddy
Me toora-loora-la, toora-loora-laddy

I grieved to see me duds all smeared with soot and ashes
When a tub of dirty suds right in my face she dashes
As I lay on the floor, and the water she kept pitchin'
The footman broke the door and walked straight into the kitchen

With me toora-loora-la, me toora-loora-laddy
Me toora-loora-la, toora-loora-laddy

When the Captain came downstairs, though he saw me situation
In spite of all me prayers I was marched off to the station
For me they'd take no bail, but to get home I was itchin'
But I had to tell the tale how I came into the kitchen

With me toora-loora-la, me toora-loora-laddy
Me toora-loora-la, toora-loora-laddy

I said she did invite me, but she gave a flat denial
For assault she did indict me, and I was sent for trial
She swore I robbed the house, in spite of all her screechin'
And I got six months hard, for me courtin' in the kitchen

With me toora-loora-la, me toora-loora-laddy
Me toora-loora-la, toora-loora-laddy