Could You Use Me?

(Verse 1)
[DANNY]
Have some pity on an Easterner
Show a little sympathy
No one could possibly be sterner
Than you have been with me

There's a job that I'm applying for
Let me put it to you thus:
It's a partnership I'm dying for
Mr. and Mrs. Us

Before you file it on the shelf
Let me tell you of myself

(Chorus)
Oh, I'm the chappie
To make you happy
I'll tie your shoeses
And chase your blueses
Oh lady, would you
Oh tell me, could you use me?

I'd shake the mat out
And put the cat out
I'd clean the garret
And feed the parrot
Oh lady, would you
Oh tell me, could you use me?

Do you realize what a good man
You're getting in me?
I'm no Elk or Mason or Woodman
Who gets home at three

The girls who see me
Grow soft and dreamy
But I'm a gander
Who won't philander
Oh could you use me?
'Cause I certainly could use you

(Verse 2)
[MOLLY]
There's a chap I know in Mexico
Who's as strong as he can be
Eating nails and drinking Texaco
He is the type for me

There is one in California
More romantic far than you
When he sings "ha cha cha chornia"
I often think he'll do

But as for you, sir, I'm afraid
You will never make the grade

(Chorus 2)
For you're no cowboy
You're soft, and how, boy
I feel no muscle
That's fit for tussle
I must refuse you
I cannot use you

No night life for you
The birds would bore you
The cows won't know you
A horse would throw you
You silly man, you
To ask me "Can you use me?"

Though at love you may be a wizard
I'm wanting to know
Could you warm me up in a blizzard
Say, forty below

Your ties are freakish
Your knees look weakish
Go back to flappers
And highball lappers
Though you can use me
I most certainly can't use you

(dance break)

(Chorus 3)
[DANNY]
I'd love to rough it

[MOLLY]
You'd only muff it
You'd better track home
You're safer back home

[DANNY]
Oh lady would you
Oh tell me, could you use me?

If we've no butler
I'll put the cutler
Up on the table
As well's I'm able
I'd slave as few would
If only you could use me

[MOLLY]
You don't even know how to lasso
A bull or a steer

[DANNY]
When I speak to them in my basso
They'll worry, don't fear

I'll be no bother
I'll make a father
Like no other
If you're the mother
Oh could you use me?
'Cause I certainly could use you