Constant Conflicts

I spent too much time erasing, not enough time changing
Blurring the lines between sick and selfish
Hoping I can grab on for just a second
But I've learned to take what I can get
And use the parts that make sense
And relent only when I meet my own death
And find a pace I can circumvent

When was truth less about proving a point
And just proving someone wrong all along?
I'll rest my aching joints
To my own broken hope and swan song
But maybe I'm overworked
Because I like breaking the healing process
As a comfort when I'm aching
With this new perspective I'm finally taking

I made this bed, and I will sleep in it
The comfort of your warm sheets
Will bring me to the further flames of hell
I made this bed, and I will sleep in it
Even if our honesty is building peace into a bed of nails

Death is not a choice, and love should not be either
I'll endure the pain if our hearts endure the weather
The only pain worse than killing with force
Is killing with neglect, I guess
And now I know that our complacent love was completely dead
I will complicate this love just to feel something
And I'm sorry if it's clouded all the facts
The rhythm of my heartbeat changed
In the moment that I realized you were not coming back
I will complicate this love just to feel something
And I'm sorry if it's clouded all the facts
The rhythm of my heartbeat changed
In the moment that I conceptualize the words I masked

I made this bed and I will sleep in it
The comfort of your warm sheets
Will bring me to the further flames
I will give up all I have just to go back home
I'm dropping bread crumbs
I hope you know I hate being alone

You used to make my mind clear
Now your absence does instead
I heard your dog barking in the backyard
He only does that when you're home
And I just hope you understand
I never meant to grow apart
But I knew at some point, I had to grow
I guess I could've picked a better time to learn patience
But now I'm learning that I am becoming
The one who broke my heart

I was a creature of habit, but with no real intentions
I conformed to what I understood to be happiness
Or undiagnosed self-medicated approach
To getting lost in each other's contentment
Lead to a misconception of your beauty
I still can't believe that I lied to you
Especially because when I said it
I thought I was telling the truth
I thought I was strong enough to carry you
But now my mind is clear
And I hope you hear this
I love you