Conspiracy Theory Guy

[Intro: Ray William Johnson]
Here let me, uh, let me log onto my Facebook really quick
I-I gotta post this article
Have you guys seen the X-Files?
I mean it's basically a documentary

[Chorus: Ray William Johnson]
I'm unfollowing
'Cause you bother me
Your posts make me die inside
It's hard to read
What's in your feed
Conspiracy Theory Guy

[Verse 1: Ray William Johnson]
Ha, ha!
He calls himself John Doe, 'cause he's kinda discrete
'Cause he thinks he's hiding from Illuminati elite
(No)
But he's really just a troll, who's sitting at home alone
Listening to Alex Jones, waiting for me to tweet
(I hate this guy)
Ha!
I find his timeline quite appalling
And every other reply he says "the sky is falling"
(Oh my god!)
And says that we should never vaccinate a human body
And if I argue with him man, "You're part of the Illuminati"!
(Yeah)
Well you should read what he posts
2Pac is alive, the moon landing's a hoax
(Chill)
He thinks your phone is tapped, man, you just never noticed it
He thinks the weather's bad 'cause the government's controlling it
It's all part of that secret society!
(What?)
Run by aliens living here quietly!
He should pack his laptop and take it for a ride
And if the Earth is really flat he should throw it off the side

[Chorus: Ray William Johnson]
I'm unfollowing
'Cause you bother me
You really should get outside
(Oh, you need to get some sun)
It's hard to read
What's in your feed
Conspiracy Theory Guy
(Oh, you get on my nerves)

[Verse 2: Ray William Johnson & Wax]
The government's after me! They tell me I'm a lunatic!
(You are)
They tell me that my hat made of tinfoil is proof of it!
(It is)
But I'm used to it, 'cause I'm a revolutionist
I wanna find the white house mailbox and poop in it!
They're trying to cover the truth!
Extraterrestrials connected to a government coup
(That's crazy)
And that's connected to the pres, which is connected to the feds
Which is connected to the web, and that's connected to you!
I posted up a picture of myself and my nephew
You commented below "Who's that kid you're standing next to?"
"If you zoom in closely on the symbol on his left shoe
You'll notice that's the god of Scientology, Xenu."
"How far along is he into indoctrination?
Has he tried to poison your influenza vaccination?"
"You should stay very far away from that little fool."
I replied, "Dude, I haven't spoke to you since middle school."

[Chorus: Ray William Johnson]
I'm unfollowing
'Cause you bother me
Like what the hell, are you high?
(Ha, you must be stoned)
I'm not trying to hate
But don't procreate
(Please don't have sex)
Conspiracy Theory Guy
(Ha, you should talk to a professional)

[Verse 3: Wax & Ray William Johnson]
I can't reason with him 'cause he doesn't understand facts (Nope)
Can't unfriend him 'cause I'm scared he'll mail me anthrax (Ugh)
I don't trust him, he's a crackpot
I just taped over the camera on my laptop (They're watching me)
For a while hadn't posted in all
'Cause he starts an argument on every post on my wall
And that's how it was in my Facebook world
Until Conspiracy Guy met Conspiracy Girl

And he immediately took her on a cheap date
They went to Cheesecake and talked about the deep state
And ever since he never wrote me again
And now his whole timeline is just photos of them (Twinsies!)
And no more posts about Big Brother run amok
Accusing me of how I'm all involved in the cover-up (Uh)
And I'm happy his life improved
But honestly, I kind of miss the dude