Confessions

(VERSE1)
Dear God
Can you help me?
I'm just so confused
I know I try to fix my pain with ways you dont approve
I keep a smile on my face so I can cover wounds
There's only so much I can take I dont know what to do
Pops is gone
And I got nothing nice to say
But God I've held it in so long
I feel some type of way
The guy would come around and say this time hes gonna stay
Then change up every year like stickers on a license plate
The only thing that stayed the same, was that he ain't to blame
And that's its moms fault
Shoveled dirt onto her name
So I would go back home and think about the things he told me
Knew if I had a son that nothing in this world could slow me
Down or hold me back from giving love
He'd never feel so lonely
Hed never lay in bed at night and think that hes to blame
Hed never spend half of his life looking for things to change
Instead hed love himself and know that's he gone be something
I'm from the 90s anyway,that's where they raise the kings
So fuck em
God he dont deserve my energy
Can't change the past, but it's been dragging me down mentally
I keep this pain bottled up in Hope's strengthen me
Still my present problems are probably worth mentioning
You see my grandmas getting older
Hate to see her hurting
I know she's scared to ask for help
Dont wanna be a burden
But she could never be a problem
God she gives me purpose
And if there's no such thing as perfect she's the closest person
My mas been struggling
She's Trynna find the right one
God keep her home
No need for drinking when the night come
I know a couple of those dead ends Made her lose trust
But you ain't gotta search for love ma, cuz you got us
Hold up lord,dont you go I swear I'm almost finished
Nah I can't see you but I pray your still around too listen
Just tell me am I doing fine or should I do it different
Cuz there ain't no one that I know that been in this position
Was making 40k a year I left to chase a dream
Some people take risks me I'm risking everything
The only woman that I loved wants to get back with me
The worst part is, I don't really see that happening
You see I know that she deserves someone obsessed with her
I know she's feeling lonely and she wants someone that's next to her
And me I'm writing everynight I take to long to message her
I'm coming out the booth and it's been hours sinceI texted her
So I pray
That she finds someone to give her time
I pray my mom can love herself instead of trynna find
Somebody else cuz can't nobody love you like you love yourself
Ma work on you I got your back your gonna be just fine
I pray my grandma stays forever, never leaves my side
I pray my friends are ride or die, and never change there mind
I pray the choices that I've made have been the right ones if not it's only strike one
Two more chances for the boy to shine