Columbia on Parade (Part 1)

[Instrumental]

[Interlude: Norman Long, Jack Payne, Charlie Clapham, Bill Dwyer]
Well, that's Jack Payne's good deed for the day
Is that all you want from me today?
Yes, I don't think you need to wait any longer, thank you very much Jack!
Now Mr. Long, are you ready to make a record?
Yes, I'm quite ready to, but [?] just remind you of a little story, have you heard this one?
Is it a long story?
Well, of course it is, it's a Norman Long story!
Hello, Norman, what are you doing here?
Well, I was just gonna make a record, Bill!
Er, so are we, [?], besides I've got my [?]. It's too funny, isn't it?
Well, I don't know 'til I've heard it, but I say who are these wondrous people?

[Introduction: Bill Dwyer, Charlie Clapham]

Well here comes Albert Sandler!
Here comes Raymond Newell!
Flotsam and his Jetsam!
And good old Harry Tate, [?]

[Interlude: Norman Long, Harry Tate, Charlie Clapham]

Harry Tate? Well, I don't know how on Earth we're gonna get you all in. There's been some mistake here, you can't all record at once, can you?
My dear old boy, I don't care if I do not record! Recording conveys nothing to me!
Oh, that's right, there's more of these [?] coming up

[Introduction: Bill Dwyer, Charlie Clapham]
Well here comes Trevor Watkins!
Here comes Binnie Hale!
Here comes Debroy Somers!
And also Billy Mayerl!

[Mr Flotsam and Mr Jetsam's Signature Theme: Norman Long, Mr Flotsam, Mr Jetsam]
I say Charlie, who are these handsome young gentlemen?
Heheheheh
We'll tell you our names in case someone forgets them
I'm Jetsam
I'm Flotsam
He's Flotsam
He's Jetsam
We want them to be recognised by anyone who spots them
I'm Jetsam
I'm Flotsam
He's Flotsam
He's Jetsam
Flotsam and Jetsam as kind fate allots them
The songs sung by Jetsam are written by Flotsam
I sing all the low noootes
You wonder how he gets them
At the keyboard is Flotsam
So I must be Jetsam
Yours very sincerely, Flotsam and Jetsam

[Toy Town Party, Tea for Two: Norman Long, Billy Mayerl, Binnie Hale]
And there's dear old Billy Mayerl. What are you going to play for us, Billy?
I'm going to play a little bit of Toy Town Party
[Instrumental]
Can the toys come out to play
[?]
Billy, why didn't you play something with words to it?
Well, why?
I'd like to do my bit now please!
Well, it's Binnie Hale! What do you say, Binnie?
Tea for two

Picture me upon your knee
Just tea for two and two for tea
Just me for you, and you for me, alone

Nobody near us
To see us or hear us
No friends or relations
On weekend vacations
We won't have it known, dear
That we own a telephone

Day will break and I will awake
And I start to bake
Sugar cake for you to take
For all the boys to see
We will raise a family
A boy for you, a girl for me
Oh, can't you see how happy we would be

[Hallelujah: Norman Long, Turner Layton, Clarence Johnstone]
Oh my heck, it's Layton and Johnstone turned up. For the love of Mike, don't tell me you've come to the chord
We most certainly have, this is how it's been arranged for us
Well, I knew nothing about it. Still, carry on boys, as quick as you can
Well, Turner, what shall we record?
Oh, I don't know, Tandy. What about Hallelujah?
Let's go!

Sing, "Hallelujah, Hallelujah"
And you shoo the blues away
When cares pursue ya, "Hallelujah"
Gets you through that darkest day

Satan lies a-waitin'
And creating skies of gray
Sing, "Hallelujah, Hallelujah"
Gets you through the darkest day

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah!