Cocktail Time in Hell

It's cocktail time
In the bowels of hell
It’s kind of hot and it's really full
But don't worry pal, ‘cause I saved you a stool
It’s happy hour
At the pub in hell
But am I alive or am I dead
That 2-for-1 special is what she said

‘Cause it's cocktail time
In the bowels of hell
Come on down, everybody's here
Attila the Hun's drinking all the beer
Castro's busy, selling cigars
We got Elvis Presley behind the bar
Your credit's good, have another swill
A Jim Jones Kool-Aid or a George Bush-Mills
A shot for Oswald, was that one or two
John Wayne's spiking Ho Chi Minh's brew!

It’s cocktail time
In the bowels of hell
It’s kind of hot and it's really full
But don’t worry pal, ‘cause I saved you a stool
And it's happy hour
At the pub in hell
But am I alive or am I dead
That 2-for-1 special is what she said

‘Cause it's cocktail time
In the bowels of hell
One more!
(I'll have an Evel Knievel, son!)
Two more!
(Hey, gimme a Phil Collins!)
Three more!
(Molotov cocktail!)
(Bonham and Bailey’s!)
Another round!
One more!
(Hey, a White Stallone on the rocks over here!)
Two more!
(Hey, let me get that Lizzy Fizz!)
Three more!
(And I'll try the Tricky Dicky screwdriver!)
(Three Mile Island iced tea!)
Another round!

Gaddafi and Somoza out smoking dope
JFK's saving a chair for the pope
John Lennon just got a highball
“Hey, has anybody buried Paul?”
Churchill and Stalin got their lager and lime
Mussolini and Hitler want their drinks on time
Belushi's getting tanked, what a slice
He just asked Trotsky to get some ice

It's cocktail time
In the bowels of hell
It's kind of hot and it's really full
But don't worry pal, ‘cause I saved you a stool
And it's happy hour
At the pub in hell
But am I alive or am I dead
And the 2-for-1 special is what she said
Now, the 2-for-1 special is what she said
The 2-for-1 special is...

(Damn, I've seen places that were dead before, but this is ridiculous.)