Christmas In The Backrooms

And now we go live to every family's favorite endless void
It's the Backrooms Holiday Special!

It’s Christmas in the Backrooms
May not be the one you planned
But don’t you know it is the season
To be glitching through the ceiling
To a one-tone wonderland

Yes, Christmas in the Backrooms
That special time of year
We’ve trimmed the trees with wreaths
And existential primal fears

Every level’s looking jolly, hope you brought a lot of holly
There’s an infinite sprawl of different halls to deck – good golly!
Yes, escaping would be folly, take a tip from me
That Santa Claus can’t fit an exit door beneath the tree

So, hum to the thrum of the halogen lights
But don’t wonder if you’re gonna see Santa tonight
‘Cause the chimney’s labyrinthine and there’s infinite trees a-glistening
And there’s far too many hearths for gift delivering right
(So many trees)

Yes, Christmas in the Backrooms
A silent nightmare awaits
No reindeer hooves upon the rooves
Foam tiles won’t take the weight
(Won't take the weight)

It’s Christmas in the Backrooms
And there’s no end in sight
But try in vain to find your way
Inside the maze unwinding chains
Of twinkling fairy lights

Through cracks in reality
Whoops, there goes sanity
Won’t be roast ham or beef
Have a feast sucking the damp
There’s no calories
Also, no January
Time is imaginary
Trapped in this labyrinth

Sing to the carols scrawled all over the room
And hope nothing hunting you is drawn to the tune
The doors all lead to nothing, so the carollers aren’t coming
And that distant sound of running likely isn’t here to croon

Christmas in the Backrooms
Sugar plum dreams of escape
Your gift is nothing flashy
Just a camera battery
And VHS tapes