Chili Sauce

Spoken Dialogue

Waiter: Ah, good evening, Mr. Day! Two for dinner?

Morris: Yes, give us one of those little sexy tables in the back

Waiter: Oh, I'm sorry, sir, those are all taken!

Morris: Jerome...

Waiter: Urgh! I think maybe we can arrange it, Mr. Day!

Morris: Thank you so much

Sharon: Oh, Morris, was that necessary?

Morris: Jerome...

Sharon: Okay, okay, I'm sorry...

Waiter: Right this way, sir!

Morris: You know, this is an exciting establishment you have here

Waiter: What I wouldn't give for a broken bottle...

Morris: I can't hear you, what'd you say?

Waiter: I said, I said, yes, we're remodeling!

Morris: Mhm...

Waiter: Cocktails before dinner?

Morris: Yes, two Piña Coladas

Sharon: Make mine a virgin

Waiter: Okay, will you be having a virgin as well?

Morris: Yes! For dessert! Haaa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Waiter: Sir, I'm afraid I don't get it

Morris: Say, do you know how to do "The Walk"?

Waiter: Why, certainly, everyone can do "The Walk"!

Morris: Well, honey, why don't you just walk your ass to the other
Side of the room?

Waiter: Fuck you, too... nigga!

Morris: Ah my dear, it's rough at the top. Jerome? Ehem, get your pad and pencil. I think it's gonna be kinda right. If my judge of character's correct, it's gon' be by the letter tonight. Now, stop me when I get to 17. Excuse me, baby. I bet you didn't know I had a piece of this restaurant, did you? But it looks like I'm gonna have to buy the whole thing and fire that man! May I taste that? Excuse me, that's kinda weak. Here, try mine. You know...

Sharon: Good God!

Morris: ...they say that saliva is an aphrodisiac

Sharon: Excuse me

Morris: You look so lovely tonight!

Sharon: Why, thank you

Morris: Probably even better under exotic red lights. I wish you could see my home, it's... it's so exciting. In my bedroom, I have a brass waterbed...

Sharon: Really?

Morris: Mhm. It's just surrounded by plants and lights and shit. And all kinds of little erotic artifacts. We could have breakfast in bed!

Sharon: Oh!

Morris: I, I, I have an Italian cook. Jerome Sa-Sa-Sasga-gagracci or something like that. It's funny, your eyes, when you stare at me like that... it causes my, my stomach to q-quiver. Oh Lord! Do you like diamonds?

Sharon: Mm-hmm!

Morris: Yeah?

Sharon: Yeah!

Morris: I know it's rather masculine, but try this one on

Sharon: Aah!

Morris: My God, darling, it fits! You must have strong hands... but they're so soft, like the oils in my morning bath. Somebody help me! Darling?

Sharon: Yes?

Morris: I'm not usually so forward, but... would you like to make love to me?

Sharon: Hm-hmm...

Morris: I, I could make it so nice! Do you know what is meant by the words, uhh... I hate to use them, they're, they're so harsh, American. You know what I mean? And yet on the other hand, they're exciting words. The words "Chili sauce"! Oh Lord! You know, I haven't made love in so long. But, with you, I know it would be just like riding a bike: I'd remember everything I've ever learned! Baby, if the Kid can't make you come, nobody can

Jerome: Morris?

Morris: Yeah?

Jerome: 17!

Morris: Oh, um... what's it gonna be, baby?

Sharon: Chili sauce!

Morris: Oh Lord!