Chicanery (Script)

Judge 1: Alright, I'll remind you, Mr. McGill that you are still under oath.

Chuck: I understand.

Kim: At this time I'd like to turn cross-examination over to my co-council, James McGill.

Jimmy: Um, well there's been a lot of fuss about it, but you and I have never really talked about this tape you made.

Chuck: We lost the opportunity when you burglarized my house to destroy it.

Jimmy: Fair enough, um, and I was in the wrong there, but still I'd like to try and follow your story of why and how you recorded it.

Chuck: Oh, is this where you claim the tape is spurious? That it's not really your voice?

Jimm: No, that's me on the tape. But still I have some questions, like the recorder must have hurt like hell for you to touch that.

Chuck: There was a degree of discomfort, that's true.

Jimmy: Would you like to set the scene for the disciplinary committee, tell them, y'know, what your house looked like at the time of the recording?

...

Jimmy: Can you tell the court what that was?

Chuck: A battery.

Jimmy: Do you recognize that man in back? His name is Huell Babineaux, he's on our witness list. You bumped into him in the stairway. He'll testify he planted this fully-charged battery on you over an hour and a half ago.

Huell: Hour and forty-three minutes.

Jimmy: An hour and forty-three minutes, thank you Mr. Babineaux, and you felt nothing?

Chuck: Nono-no, no-no, it's a trick, it has to --

Guy: Enough is enough. I submit that Mr. McGill's mental illness is a non-issue. If he were schizophrenic --

Chuck: Schizophrenic? I am not crazy! I am not crazy, I know he swapped those numbers, I knew it was 1216. One after Magna Carte, as if I could ever make such a mistake. Never, never! I just- I just couldn't prove it! He covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him.

Judge 1: Mr. McGill, please, you don't have to --

Chuck: You think this is something- you think this is bad? This, this chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard. Are you telling me a man just happens to fall like that? No, he orchestrated it! Jimmy! He defecated through a sunroof, and I saved him! I shouldn't have, I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking? He'll never change. He'll never change! Ever since he was nine, always the same. Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer. "But not our Jimmy, couldn't be precious Jimmy!" Stealing them blind! And he gets to be a lawyer? What a sick joke! I should have stopped him when I had the chance. And you- you have to stop him, you...

I apologize. I lost my train of thought. Got carried away. Do you have anything else?

Jimmy: No. Nothing further.