Chapter XII: Ghost Goes Hollywood

(Angelic music plays and a recap from Chapter 11 plays)

[Papa Nil]
You go make an audition tape. You go.

[Papa Emeritus IV]
Sister. Saltarian. Dickhead. 'Scuse me for a second.

(Papa Emeritus IV is in his room setting it up for the audition tape)

[Papa Emeritus IV]
There. (Clears throat). Eey, ugh.
Hello. This is, eh, eh, C. I'm doing an auditioning tape for, uh, for, uh, television. Eh, displaying acting skills. Eh, so, eh, here we go.

"I want the truth!"
"You can't handle the truth"

(Points at the camera) "Buenos Noches, Motherfucker"

(Get so close to camera only his teeth shows) "I see dead people"

(Lights a cigarette)

(Jaws theme song plays) "We're gonna get..."
"You're gonna need a bigger yacht"

"I just love the smell of Napalm in the morning"

"Where is he?"

"Schwing!"

"That's the shit dreams are made of"

"Blue Steel"

(Papa has his back facing the camera. Proceeds to turn dramatically)

"Ho-ah!"

"HO-AH!"

(Whips finger-gun at camera) "Shoo"

"I'm looking for John Connor"

"Have you seen John Connor?"

"Goodbye, baby"

"Hasta la vista, motherfucker"

"I ate his liver with a fava beans and some nice Chianti" (Mouth-noises)

"I know kung-fu"

"Get offa my plane"

"Show me the money!"

"Can you dig it?"

"Adrian!"

"Well, today I kept my first tube"

"Prrrease, Eddy"

"I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this plane"

(Star Wars theme songs play. Papa brings out a lightsaber)

"Who's your Daddy?"

(Papa makes Darth Vader breathing noises)

"I am your Daddy, Luke" (Darth Vader breathing noise)

"Who is your Daddy, and what does he do?"

(Papa makes lightsaber noises and knocks over the camera)

Oh. Shit. (Clears throat)

(Papa pretends to open a door and when the door is open, operatic tones comes out)

In case I don't see you - good evening of night. Good day. Good... Good... Good... Uh. Bad take.
In case I don't see you - good day and good night and good have a, have fun. (Clears throat)

(Papa roundhouse kicks the camera)

Ah, shit. Ah. Alright. Cut.

(Papa exits to the hallway and puts the tape in a mailbox)