Catholic App

The app has got a box where you kneel
Tell it all your secrets, and reveal
Your evil thoughts about sex and such
The real reason you skipped lunch

There's a widget in the box that hides and nods
And swears the whole thing is for the ears of God
But human ears if they burn
Take secrets and pass them on

It takes in information, prints out prayers
And issues absolution, fair's fair
You get less time in purgatory
More for things you really need

It's a Catholic app, there's lots off bounds
A thousand sins, ten commands
The app needs to know, time and again
What's going on in everyone's brain

You don't buy them, they sell you
For who knows what to who knows who
I hear the government, the big G
Is stocking up on Hail Marys

I've got the terms of service that nobody reads
They've got the right to send you for eternity
To a torture convention they call Hell
In the basement of the Bosch hotel

The app is free, but you give them a donation
In a little velvet pouch they put in circulation
In virtual hangs also known
As churches and cathedrals made of stone

It works on any platform, night, day
You download free, nothing to pay
Spyware, sure, but some say
Privacy's a big lie anyway

Conspiracy theories are a load of crap
But they're whispering your secrets down in the apse
There seems to be a leak in the back end
Or a mole with a lot of friends

There's a big story breaking, the priest is a freak
The app is really l'eglise catholique
But I don't buy it, the whole thing's fake
Someone somewhere must have made a mistake

God's a paper tiger, that's all crap
They're controlling populations with that app
Knowledge may be power, but you gave away your best
To a man in a purple stole and a dress

It's a Catholic app, it knows no bounds
A billion sins, ten commands
But there's a big glitch that drives me wild
The app can have sex with your child