Catching Santa

This year, I'm really staying up all night
This year, I'm finally gonna do it right
This year, I've got a flawless plan that just can't fail
Dear God, I hope it doesn't fail
This year, will now become a legendary tale
I'm finally catching Santa Claus tonight

This year, I hid a camera in the Christmas tree
This year, he'll finally pay for his trespassery
This year, motion alarms equipped with laser beams
By now, I bet you sense a theme
This year, I'm drinking my third cup of straight caffeine
I'm finally catching Santa Claus tonight

This year, (This year) I bought a stun gun
Thought you'd never ask
This year, (This year) night vision goggles and a black ski mask
This year, I set a tripwire net in case he runs
It'd be so funny if he runs
This year, (This year)so what?
I cleaned out our vacation fund
I'm finally catching Santa Claus tonight

Then the house grew quiet
He stoked the fire and sat down by it
Warm and cozy underneath his blanket

This year, I fell asleep at 1:00 a.m
This year, I blame the turkey and the tryptophan
This year, (This year) I'm finally starting to rethink my life
Dear god, I've got to get a life
This year, (This year) maybe I'll join my children and my wife
They're at her mother's house tonight
This year, (This year) oh wait
If Santa hasn't made it back, break in his workshop set a trap
This year, (This year) that slippery Saint Nick won't expect that
I'm finally catching Santa Claus tonight

I'm finally catching Santa Claus tonight...
I'm coming to get you, Santa!
Santa!
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas!