Castlevania: The Musical

I’ve broken bones and flayed off flesh
Throughout Transylvania…
I’ll be renowned in every town
Once my dancing has slain ya!

Stab the heart! Burn the head!
I’m the maven of making you dead!
You’d better postpone your plans, cause tonight
You’re dying instead!

Look how I’ve changed!
I’m a peaceful man-

You’re a barely scary, very hairy
Cemetery sanguinarian!

Cower in fear! Simon Belmont is here
And I’m dying to kill you again!

I live alone and stay indoors
Shut inside my castle
And every week, you show up
Like a chain-wielding hassle!

Go away! No one cares!
Please stop throwing my goons down the stairs!
I have a mortgage to pay on this place
Without more repairs!

I will avenge
Every mortal hewn!

You’re a monster-killin, potion-swillin
Innard-spillin, villainous buffoon!

Glad you dropped by. Tell you wife I said hi
And I’d die not to see you again

You’re a blood-sucking
Whip-ducking
Mother-shucking vampire!

You’re an axe-chucking
Mud-mucking
Chicken-plucking ham-frier!

A dumb-lucking
Fear-strucking
Run amok-ing
Trash fire!

Go get a clue till IQ increases!
Go rest in peace till your chest’s in pieces!

This is your final chance
To change your circumstance!
But if you want to dance
I can bloody bring it!

I won’t forgive the slights you’ve made
Or the bones you’ve been pickin…

You’re gonna pay the Belmont way:
While I’m eating wall chicken!

What a night for a curse
And your singing is making it worse!
Your karaoke is lowkey off-key
And has been each verse!

Nowhere to run…
Nothing but demise!

Now this dark and twisted-
Whip-assisted-
Coffin-crypted-
Persistent pissant-
-dies!

Don’t waste your breath! Just embrace your own death!
I’ve been dying to kill… you again!