Cannot Not

She don't want my drug history
My AIDS test or my twelve steps or my years of therapy
She don't wanna go to my boudoir
Go through my vaudeville trunk
It don't matter if I'm clean and sober or dirty and drunk

It don't matter if I'm kicking that gong around
Or if I'm sick in the hall
Ringing her bell knocking on her door
Kicking that crazy ball

It don't matter if I change my hairdo
To something she might like
She tells me I'm a nice man
Take a nice long hike

I get the message I'm a fly on her wall
She does not want me at all

You cannot not want me
You cannot not want me
You cannot not want me at all
This play I've composed cannot be closed
I can't let that curtain fall

Sometimes I get the feeling
There was something that I missed
If she'd just explain to me
I could put my heart to rest

You know I paint her sketch her
I go where I might catch her
I talk to her spirit
And dream that she can hear it

I get the message she won't take my calls
She does not want me at all

You cannot not want me
You cannot not want me
You cannot not want me at all
This play I've composed cannot be closed
I can't let the curtain fall

I've stood in the rain of
My own tears and shame
It never sinks in my skull
I am how God made me
I'd rather you hate me
Then not matter at all

She don't buy my suicide scares
When I call up and say nothing seein' who she might have in there
She don't know how much it matters
She can't feel how much it hurts
She don't know life could be better
She don't know just what I'm worth
She don't know I'm in a panic of erotic toxic shock
I am sunk like the Titanic on the bottom on the rocks

I pray she might be testing
The strengthen my affection
Sometimes I pray
It just all goes away

I get the message; I'm a fly on her wall
She does not want me at all

You cannot not want me
You cannot not want me
You cannot not want me at all
This play I've composed cannot be closed
I can't have that curtain fall

I've stood on the stage
Of my own tears and rage
Why won't it sink in my skull
I am how God made me
I'd rather you hate me
Then not matter at all