Can’t Stop Foolin’ Around

Well I'm finishing at school but I'm always in detention
Cause I can't stop fooling around
And I'm finally graduating without honorable mention
Cause I can't stop fooling around

And I'm finally getting married but we almost miss our wedding
Cause we can't stop fooling around
And the preacher has a little tiny nervous breakdown
Cause we can't stop fooling around

And I can't stop fooling around, I can't stop fooling around

Well I'm in line at the TSA
And I can't stop fooling around
Getting interrogated by the CIA
Because I can't stop fooling around

They finally let me go we're out on the runway
And I can't stop fooling around
And a flight attendant tries to choke me with a little tiny bag of peanuts
Cause I can't stop fooling around

And I can't stop fooling around, I can't stop fooling around

I finally get home and the IRS is going through my stuff
Because I can't stop fooling around
And my wife is packed up and she's ready to leave
Because I can't stop fooling around

And then my girlfriend shows up and says "what's going on?"
And I can't stop fooling around
And I'm out on the street and I'm all alone
Cause I can't stop fooling around

And I can't stop fooling around, I can't stop fooling around

So I go and visit my infirmed uncle Frank
Cause I can't stop fooling around
And I'm shooting roman candles at his oxygen tank
Cause I can't stop fooling around

And I'm there at his funeral and everyone is crying
And I can't stop fooling around
And I run up to the roof and jump and think I'm flying
And I can't stop fooling around

And I can't stop fooling around, I can't stop fooling around

And I go up to heaven to the pearly gates
And I can't stop fooling around
And I ask St. Peter to sing like Tom Waits
Because I can't stop fooling around
And Jesus says shut up or I'm going to get my dad
And I can't stop fooling around
And God comes down with a baseball bat
And I can't - ow

And I can't stop fooling around, I can't stop fooling around