Can I Interest You In Hanukkah?

[Jon Stewart]
Can I interest you in Hanukkah?
Maybe something in a Festival of Lights
It's a sensible alternative to Christmas
And it lasts for seven--for you--eight nights

[Stephen Colbert]
Hanukkah, huh?
I've never really thought about it

[Jon Stewart]
Well‚ you could do worse

[Stephen Colbert]
Is it merry?

[Jon Stewart]
It's kind of merry

[Stephen Colbert]
Is it cheery?

[Jon Stewart]
It's got some cheer

[Stephen Colbert]
Is it jolly?

[Jon Stewart]
Look‚ I wouldn't know from jolly
But it's not my least unfavorite time of year

[Stephen Colbert]
When's it start?

[Jon Stewart]
The 25th

[Stephen Colbert]
Of December?

[Jon Stewart]
Kislev

[Stephen Colbert]
Which is when exactly?

[Jon Stewart]
I will check

[Stephen Colbert]
Are there presents?

[Jon Stewart]
Yes‚ indeed, 8 days of presents
Which means one nice one, then a week of dreck

[Stephen Colbert]
Does Hanukkah commemorate
Events profound and holy?
A king who came to save the world?

[Jon Stewart]
No‚ oil that burned quite slowly

[Stephen Colbert]
Well, it sounds fantastic!

[Jon Stewart]
There's more!

We have latkes

[Stephen Colbert]
What are they?

[Jon Stewart]
Potato pancakes

We have dreidels

[Stephen Colbert]
What are they?

[Jon Stewart]
Wooden tops

We have candles

[Stephen Colbert]
What are-

[Jon Stewart]
THEY ARE CANDLES!
And when we light them
Oh the fun it never stops

What do you say, Stephen
Do you want to give Hanukkah a try?

[Stephen Colbert]
I'm trying to see me as a Jew
I'm trying even harder
But I believe in Jesus Christ
So it's a real non-starter

[Jon Stewart]
I can't interest you in Hanukkah?
Just a little bit?

[Stephen Colbert]
No thanks‚ I'll pass
I'll keep Jesus
You keep your potato pancakes
But I hope that you enjoy 'em
On behalf of all the goyim

[Jon Stewart]
Be sure to tell the Pontiff
My people say "gut yontif"

[Stephen Colbert]
That's exactly what I'll do

[Both]
Happy holidays, you

[Jon Stewart]
Too!

[Stephen Colbert]
Jew!

[Jon Stewart]
Too?