Call of the Wighat

[Verse 1]
Well, how do you keep a moron
In wighat suspense?
I'll tell you that later
But first I'll tell you this...

[Refrain]
Ah, hoo!
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, hoo!

[Verse 2]
Well now Willy tore his hair out
And Sally grew a beard
Vince went ape-shit
And cut off his ears
Ruby went to town
Completely upside down
Sally spilled some powder
And had a tantrum in her gown

[Refrain]
She went hoo!
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, hoo!

[Verse 3]
Well my mama had twin babies
On one sweet summer day
She beat one in the head
And I'm the one that got away
Protected by my wighat
And my Frederick's snakeskin pants
I rode my horse to Hollywood
And did a wondrous dance

[Refrain]
I went hoo!
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, hoo!

[Verse 4]
Well, great jumpin' catfish
Do the limbo on my face
But no one seems to notice
When my wighat is in place
My wighat lifts me higher
Than I've ever been before
You can go and buy yours
At all better wighat stores

[Refrain]
Just ask for hoo!
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh Hoo!

[Verse 5]
Yeah, they wear them in Exotica
When they get the blues
They voted them the best
When worn with matching shoes
It's the call of the wighat
That brought you to this place
It's just a big, fat
Hairy fashion race

[Refrain]
Yeah, hoo!
Aaaaah, Hoo!

[Verse 6]
Well, I trained a dinosaur
For the prehistoric stage
But the discovery of the wighat
Is what made me the rage
Now some things come
And some things have gone
But wighats are forever
Yeah, they just go on and on, and on, and on

[Refrain]
And on and hoo!
Hoom, hoo, hoo! Hoo!

[Verse 7]
But I can still hear Mama callin'
"Junior! Git home!
What's got into you?
What's that on your dome?"
It's the call of the wighat
It's the modern age taboo
For they forever separate
The old from the new

[Refrain]
Yeah, hoo!
Uuuuuuuh, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!

[Outro]
Hoo, hoo, hoo
Hoo, hoo, hoo
Hoo, hoo, hoo
Bye bye
Bye bye, wighat
Bye bye, wighat
Bye bye, you big fat...