BY3 (skit)

[Skit part 1: DAMAG3, Nick]
Look man
What?
I understand the pressure to perform
Okay
And I understand you're trying to make more vulnerable music
I-I am
But let's get something straight
You don't got coattails for motherfuckers to ride on
What do you mean?
Those are my coattails you're rapping about
Yeah but, you know, I'm like the
The what?
What you trying to say?
I'm like the actual person people interact with in the real world
How fucking dare you
Look, I don't want to get into this again with you
It's a touchy subject
You're goddamn right it's a touchy fucking subject
Yeah and this is why—
You are constantly reminding me that I don't еxist
That I'm some "tool" you get to use whеn you come up short
That's-that's not what—
Which is fucking always dude!
You ever wonder why that is?
Ugh please, enlighten me DAMAG3
Would love to hear your insights
'Cause I mean you're the introspective one right?
Oh cry me a fucking river dude
Dude what—
There's a massive difference between introspection and being a preachy douchebag who gets too drunk at his own pity party
Bro you just—
Being introspective in no way makes you unique
*inhale* *exhale*
Special or worth listening to man
Everybody thinks about the shit they've done
Yeah but like—
The difference normally comes down to which motherfuckers are going to turn that into action
Am I—
And then there's the rest of you, who wallow in self-pity as if that does anything outside of prologing the accountability that you don't wanna accept
You're saying this like I'm some sort of hypocrite or something dude
My bad, let me clarify
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY A HYPOCRITE!
But f-okay h—
And the fact you can't even seem to be introspective enough to recognise who you really are behind closed doors is my favourite part dude
Okay asshole, what's your suggestion?
Hmm, not sure
What?!
Can't say much since I don't exist, remember?
I didn't mean it like that
N-n-no you did, because it's true
To you, it's true
No no, it's-it's just I-I don't know what would happen if I let you—
LET ME?!
What, hold on
Yeah yeah yeah, look at this everyone!
Nick doesn't know what would happen if this crazy bitch got let loose into the world
Oh the fucking horror!
That's not what I mean DAMAG3
Even you have to admit the world isn't really all that kind to people like...
Yep
You
Yep, and you're the only one worried about that
'Cause I'm not
Um, I'm not really sure what to say to that
Well why don't you go reflect
And whine about it on some songs
That should make you feel better about yourself without having to, you know, do something about it
Okay but what should I be doing about it if the songs themselves aren't the action?
Ughh, I think you know what I'm gonna say to that
DAMAG3 I'm just trying to—
And since you hate that answer
Maybe you need to go out into the real world and figure out that out on your own
Maybe interact with other people and get some fucking perspective
Ugh fine, maybe I will!
*chuckles* Can't wait to see it
Oh you're gonna see it!
Now go fuck yourself, I've got a whole lot of non-existence to get to
Man fuck you dude!
*door slam*

[Skit part 2: Nick, Various, Tiktok Guy]
Can't fucking believe she just—
I'm gonna show you some fucking perspective
I'm gonna go out *ping* and I'm gonna—
Oh, sweet, new follower
Okay, five minutes, check my socials, then I'm gone
My hair smells this good without—
I said "I'm moving to New York and I'm gonna be an actor"
Smash, too easy, next
My girlfriend is uh, half white and half black I s—
*gasp* What?
Lame
Did you know this is all you need to become enlightened?
Wait what?
So there's a secret path in these mountains behind me that leads to a meadow that people throughout time have tried to find
Hmm
The meadow is like, mad spiritual, it's like the gurus or whatever used to travel these mountains to like become one with the universe
That's crazy
That's crazy right!
But like, here's the lifehack I figured out
If you take these mushrooms that grow around the base of the mountain
You don't even need to go in that bitch because
I figured everything out like 10 minutes ago bro haha
Basically like—
Of fucking course
I wonder where those mountains are
*typing*
Huh, it's not bad
Fuck it, what if the meadow is real?