..

All that my mind is
Filled with, is visions
Of a future where
Our split decisions
Are never collapsing
Always colliding
I wish that i could
See my future now
Spoiler alert, dear
You’re not a shaman
It won't bring you peace
Knowing the future
Knowing the past is
Painful, already
Yea i can't bear it
Best of intentions
Release the anger
I was a victim
Visions won't let up
I see her in them
Lily, i miss you
Please just come back girl
Please just come back girl
Please..

Lily, i miss you
Maybe youre not real
Survivor’s guilt is
Taking me over
Enter my bloodstream
Im never sober
Not anymore since
I lost the first girl
To understand me
To be just like me
She used to sew skirts
Cuz of the way she
Hated being seen
Never in public
She was just like me
She was just me

And when she was ready
She’d go for schooling
Across the bay in
Safer Italy (but)
Something had happened
Don’t know what happened
Plans all fell through and
Screaming and crying
Silence for a week
I kept messaging
I wish she’d respond
She’ll never respond

I just remember
Her sister’s last words
To me

(My sister took her life last week. I’m so sorry to tell you this, I know you’re one of her close friends….)

I didn’t respond for a week
Maybe that was selfish of me
I just needed time to be alone
Does that make me a freak?

I dont want to be alone
I don't wanna be alone right now
Why did she have to go?
Now im here all alone