Bus Inspector Bill

Naked widow Lil took bus inspector Bill
Into her bedroom Monday afternoon at midnight
Pointed up and said:
"Up on the moon there is a stop
Where all the passengers on top
Of buses can look in and see my husband
Lying dead upon the bed"

Well Bill said "Are you kidding me?" and Lil said "No, just come and see
Lie down with me but first take off your clothes to spare us any fuss"
And the moon rose strange and foreign
Charlie's ghost appeared and saw them
But Bill preserved decorum
Saying "It's alright, I'm just waiting for a bus"

And the day that Charlie passed away Lil was there to hear him say
"I've been unfaithful to you in every known position, my dear"
She whispered "Darling never mind, I knew it all the time that's why
I put 9000 miligrams of arsenic trioxide in your beer"

And Charlie's nose was broken once
His grandfather had spoken once
With Romy Schneider's voice
As an extra in The Seven Year Itch
He was taking her bikini wax
As medicine for heart attacks
He'd actually collapse and really die
Every time Romy hit the beach

Lil sent Charlie's ghost down to the butchers shop
To steal a ghastly mutton chop
Because she had no money
And would die if she didn't eat
"I'm sorry, ghost," the butcher said
"But take a whole lamb's head instead
The eyes alone will see you, ghost
See you through the week"

And the day that Charlie passed away Lil was there to hear him say
"I've been unfaithful to you in every known position, Lili dear"
She said "Charlie darling never mind, I knew it all the time
That's why I put 9000 miligrams of arsenic trioxide in your beer"

So naked widow Lil took bus inspector Bill
Into her bedroom Monday afternoon at midnight
Pointed up and said:
"Up on the moon there is a stop
Where all the passengers on top
Of lunar buses can look in and see my husband lying dead"

And the moon rose strange and livid
And Charlie's ghost was vivid
And Lil thought for a minute and said:
"Charlie, I was dying for a friend"