BURN TO ASHES

[Verse 1: Backxwash]
I gotta wrestle with most of my self
From holding the rope, holding the belt
Thoughts when alone, thoughts of myself
Choke on the water, no one to help
Alone in Ottawa, and the lights
And ambulance’s sonics is bright in my head
Bloated from water, floating in horror
Sorrow in shower, more on the hour
I think it’s sad with the way that I went
I took the baggage from every event
I took the anguish I felt in my head
There is no bandage for where I am headed
Poetic justice, got need for my suffering
So I decided to go on ahead
I think they glad that I’m ending up dead
Up in the casket, I’m wearing the red
Life is so fucked when you end up depressed
Auntie said “Nah, it is all in your head
Boy, are these demons? You needin’ a prayer”
How do I cast out the evil in there?
How this compares to the weep and despair
Punching the wind, kickin’ the air
Uncomfortable feelings, splittin’ my hair
Humble beginnings, feeding the bear
How did this shit even get to this
I had just thought that this shit would be different here
Only safeness or greatness I’m facing
Just ends up in me only kickin’ a chair
When the time comes, it fades to black, I know where I’m at
I just sparked a fuse, boom, I start it as I burn to ash

[Chorus]
(Burn to ashes) I be fighting all these demons but I’m losing
I’m a target in the view and there’s nothing I can do
(Burn to ashes) I been trying out to airing out these fumes
But the air, not removing, what the fuck I’m gonna do?
(Burn to ashes) I don’t wanna hear the silence in my room
'Cause I’m lightin’ up the fuse and there’s nothin’ you could do
(Burn to ashes) I’m just tryna keep a buck and keep it movin’
But this shit is not improving, what the fuck I'm gonna do?

[Verse 2]
I been tryna get some help
Stop this silence on my health
Think “Confide in someone else”
Stop the violence on myself
Most the time I’m mostly blinded
'Cause my pride is all I felt
Closing blinds, it’s no outside
I feel like hiding from the world
I know it's hard, and I feel the pandemic is making it worse
Prediabetic, my story feels cursed
I hope the sepsis will get to me first
Finding it hard to breathe, and my arteries and my stomach is folding my nerves
If it was up to me, this is right 'cause it’s only just what I deserve
I know that Chachi is worried
I am so sorry for you, know just how I am hurting
This is my problem, you don’t deserve it
I feel unworthy without any purpose
I cherish the time we spent together
Every moment is making it worth it
I never talk about how I am feeling
I don’t wan' bother or make you feel nervous
If I do go in silence, let it be known that I tried all I can
Fuck all my enemies hard as I can
Fuck all these papers who call me a man
When the time comes, it fades to black, I know where I’m at
I just light the fumes, boom, and spark it as I burn to ash

[Outro]
(Burn to ashes) What? Uh! Oh! I’m just—
(Burn to ashes) Ah! Oh! Keep it burning
(Burn to ashes) Keep it burning! Ah! Just—
(Burn to ashes) Woo!
(Burn to ashes)