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Movies but you [?] experience them, right? Anyhow, then I started thinking, like a, maybe a documentary but it'd be like sort of a [?] life thing. Different ways of brain modification and getting computers simulating all different, simulating all different ways of feeling when you're on, like, different drugs. Different types of meditation, sex, anything man, think of it, it'd be like, have you read [?]?
Ever ready what?
The book [?]
No
You should read it, it's really good. I'll lend it to you if you need a copy
Okay
Erm, I just wanna know, that's the thing about thoughts. And the other thing I wanna ask you about, you originally when I met you, you weren't smoking dope 'cause you used to get the fear right?
Yeah
Can you tell me about it?
The fear?
I don't know, it's a hard thing to describe, it's like, err, like it's just overwhelming and (Mmm) you just can't get control. Yeah, well it's like, err...
It's like, yeah, it's overwhelming anxiety, right? And it's like
And you can't come back?
Yeah, and the thing is for me, you know, I think it's real personal for everyone, you know, with their context. For me it's always takes the same, like it's all this control thing, like having your control. 'Cause really I guess it's just to test you, right? You know, it's just like unfamiliar attachment, right? Which is why I quit pot, because, you know, if you're getting high in your twenties, feel the same as you always do, and all of a sudden you smoke a joint, and it's this, you know what I mean, this whole, says it's uncontrolled [?] thing, and like, err, I don't know, yeah, it's just like your body goes into, get's pumped full of adrenaline, right?, and your heart starts going "ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk"
Well I'll tell you something, here's a good thought, a good- this has happened to me three times recently. It never used to happen to me, I'd never ever feel like, sick or anything from it. You know what you talk about, what you're saying there, that'd be wow, I'd be like, glad I smoke like, maybe like, once a week, you know, so I'm trying to think some [?] again?
Yeah
And I'll smoke it and I'll be sitting there and I'll be like, you know, "wow, I'm really high". Also to just, also to slip into it, you know, and I'll be like, but I'm able to play, like, I think on mushrooms I called you, but I just couldn't get it, surrendered myself to this 'mindfuck'
Yeah, yeah
But you know when I'm on pot, it's like I feel strong enough, so I'm like, "no, fuck it", I got like, I, I try to force myself to see it in a different way, then try to see it as...
Yeah
I don't get this high that often, so it's like a whole new way of seeing worlds, so fuck it, I might as well (Yeah), dig it, you know (Yeah) instead of being afraid of it, and like, it works. And it's just like, yeah, it's happened three times, it's happened to me tonight again
Yeah
That's why I'm just walking around, I wanna get an ice cream. I saw my sister's friend th-