British Summer Jam

[Intro, spoken]
Great Britain! Summertime 2K17!
The forecast predicting it's going to be slightly warmer than usual...
For a brief period of time
And you know what that means:
Total chaos and breakdown of public services, yeah

[Verse 1]
Seems every day is overcast or grey
Through March, April and May
But once we're past that stage
One tiny summer is on the way
Forecast on blast from here to Doncaster
Come on kids, we need to move faster!
Move your feet
'Cus there's a million to beat
There's a fleet trying to claim their three inches of beach
The dream is in reach
Feel your feet on the pebbles
You found sand? Ooh, you lucky devil!
Go pack your picnics! Come on, join the revel!
We've got 36 hours at most before the drizzle!

[Chorus]
Summer time!
It's British summer time!
We're uncertain as to whether
We like sweltering through this weather

In summer time!
It's British summer time!
Perhaps wetter would be better?
Now we're cursed to burn forever!

[Verse 2]
Each year the papers say the heat is gonna rise
And we just roll our eyes
And say "Yeah right!"
"No sunny skies will rise on our horizons!"
But now and then they're right
And we all lose our minds
Fighting over who can climb in with the pies in Iceland
Brits can't survive in
Anything brighter than slightly vibrant
We spend years all sad and dreary
One week's heat, we all get violent!
Oh God, the school's out!
Baby, you can stand the fallout?
They say it's hotter than Barcelona
("Yeah... In winter?")
So get ready to roll out
Go get your parasol out
And get on your way down the motorway
It's backed up for days
Sun's rays turn cars into microwaves
But that's the price you pay
Upgrading to leather upholstery
I'd swap my sunscreen in for gravy
Brits are only supposed to roast on Sundays
You wanna see society collapse in one day?
You know the sun's not where we're supposed to be

[Chorus]
Summer time!
It's British summer time!
One day in we start complaining
Sweat and swear and beg for rain

In summer time!
It's British summer time!
51 weeks of cold and grey
Five days of sun we still complain!

[Verse 3]
Ice cold beverage!
Checking out our heritage
Know that it's a must, National Trust membership
British history will thrill you to no end
Eating Mr. Whippy, day tripping at Stone Hedge
Up in Liverpool?
Nobody leaves the pool
But please leave to pee, let's be reasonable..
See a lot of man chest up in Manchester
'Cause it's shirts off the second the temp's up!
Our economic climate?
Is already suffering
Inflation on the rise
Grab your rubber ring
Head down the lido, take your mind off what's troubling you
Aim your hate at the heat
And not the government
Have fun with our crumbling infrastructure
The roads are no-goes, the rails are fucked up
Our calendars don't plan for summer
In one day sun goes fun to trauma
You know it's a national tragedy
When it's too hot to drink cups of tea
Other countries, they just laugh with glee
'Cause our melting point's about ten degrees
World's greatest complainers
Yeah, we're naturals
Our stiff upper lip cracks without a parasol
Just face it, complaining's traditional
Brits ain't happy
Unless we're miserable

Day one, everybody tries for a tan
Day two, B&Q sells out of fans
Day three, they're enacting a hosepipe ban
Day four, there's a shortage of ice cream vans
Day five: "Fuck, has anyone checked on Gran?"
"She's alive, but it's melted her marzipan!"
Day six

[Spoken:]
No, no, it's raining now. It's over. It's over

[Chorus]
Summer time!
It's British summer time!
If you're wondering where that time is gone
The song's about as long as
British summer time!
It's British summer time!
Society ends as we know it
Acting like the sun exploded

[Fades off]
Summer time!
It's British summer time!
There's only one way to beat that heat
It's running through those fields of wheat
In summer time!
It's British summer time!
Forget fried eggs on bonnet
We're toasting tea-cakes on the lawn, it's
British summer time...