Brand X

[Intro to Spazz by Decora]
..breakfast,
cereal, bowl, spoon all up on my checklist
[Phone Ringing]
Got my laughing giraffe, cherry ginger cereal
I love it because it’s made of the organic material
Cocoa oil provides a dose of lauric acid
tough day ahead, so I need it just to pass it.

[Answers phone]

[Decora, to Joey]
Yo yo yo yo, Joey, turn the music down, turn the music down

[Decora, into phone]
Hey, how you doing?

[Jeff the Promoter, on phone]
Hey Dakota, Joey.

[Decora]
It’s.. it’s Decora. D-E-C-O...

[Jeff the Promoter]
Oh yep yep, sorry got it right here on the paper. Listen, we’re doing this all-inclusive culture thing down here at the, uh, sneaker company. And uh, we want to show our diversity and have you come down and perform during Black History Week. Uh...

[Decora]
Wait, what?

[Jeff the Promoter]
We need you guys to put something together like a, uh, Cardi B meets Ariana Grande, or a Wholesome City Girls or something like that (creepy chuckle)

[Decora]
Uhh, I don’t think ummm...

[Jeff the Promoter]
Listen we came up with a few names... It’s not like your opinion matters, but uh

[Decora]
What’d you just say?

[Jeff the Promoter]
Either way we wanted to see what you think, uh, what do you think about uh...
“Twerk for Tweets”

[Decora]
No

[Jeff the Promoter]
Uh “Wave for Jerks”?

[Decora]
No

[Jeff the Promoter]
“Kiss for a raise”?

[Decora]
Hell no

[Jeff the Promoter]
“All blacks lives matter”

[Decora] Wait.

[Joey, in background]
What?! (laughs)

[Jeff the Promoter]
Uh... What we were thinking about that one is making the ALL in large print and skip the black, but just make the lettering black. It’s uhh... it’s a symbolic thing.

[Decora]
No. Listen, Jeff, how many people of color do you have working on the project?

[Jeff the Promoter]
None.

[Decora]
Women?

[Jeff the Promoter]
None.

[Decora]
Latinos?

[Jeff the Promoter]
None.

[Decora]
People under 40?

[Jeff the Promoter]
What?

[Decora]
People under 40?

[Jeff the Promoter]
Wait what?

[Decora]
How many people under 40 do you have—

[Jeff the Promoter]
Hold on, sorry my hearing aid fell out. Listen, Dakota...

[Decora]
It’s Decora, bro.

[Jeff the Promoter]
It’s very important that you understand that we spent massive amount of dollars doing research on how to promote to your people and, uh....

[Decora]
Whoa, promote to what!?

[Jeff the Promoter]
We just need you to come up with something super swagger. Ya know, send it over by noon today, and I’ll check in, and uh maybe pass it around the office to some of the girls...

[Decora]
You mean women, bro.

[Jeff the Promoter]
Maybe take it down to the Y where they’re playing basketball, see if it’s their jam.

[Decora]
Who’s THEY?

[Jeff the Promoter]
Uh, I gotta go. Listen, by the way, we really can’t pay you guys for this...

[Decora]
Get the fuck—

[Jeff the Promoter]
... but you’re gonna get a ton of exposure. All right? Okay — kurr kurr.
(hangs up phone)

[Decora]
He did not just do some Cardi b shit

[Joey]
He did