Blackbeard vs Al Capone

[Intro]
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
AL CAPONE!
VS
BLACKBEARD!
BEGIN!

[Blackbeard]
I come strapped with six pistols and a dagger
Walk under the black flag with a scallywag swagger
Ain't no parrot on my shoulder and no rings in my ear
I'm an irate pirate, real swashbuckling buccaneer
Beef with me? Please! I'm the high seas Caesar
My cold heart is many degrees beneath the deep freezer
You're an obese greasy sleaze squeezing a diseased peter
That no skeezer would touch if she had fifty foot tweezers
Don't start a war with me, you're not hardcore
I'll pimp-slap those face scars of yours, port and starboard
You spent time in Alcatraz, I'm sure you were fine
If you dropped the soap as little as you drop dope rhymes

[Al Capone]
I'm a busy man, Captain Crunch, I'll make this quick
I'm ruining pirates faster than Johnny Depp did
I had syphilis, yeah, well you're a huge dick
With a scurvy ridden ship filled with bilge rat pricks
I run an intricate criminal syndicate, so show respect
Or get that tongue ripped out your neck and shoved right up your poop deck
Slappin' bitch-ass teaches back since I was 14
You ain't a tough guy, my kids dress up like you for Halloween
I'll use that fuse in your hat to light up you and your buddies
And burn your sailboat down and collect the insurance money
Then maybe they'll find your bloated body dead and washed up on the beach
This is Capone rapping and I'm capping this captain, Capisce?

[Blackbeard]
The Valentine massacre brought you condemnation
But I'm gonna sink you faster than your income tax evasion
When I toss you overboard like a mob abomination
So prepare to learn the Davy Jones Locker combination
Forty cannon on the Queen Anne, your gang can't stop it
I'll pilfer all your rum and sell it back at a profit
Cause I'm a criminal legend with a badass name
You're a fat thug with an STD in his brain

[Al Capone]
C'mon, they chopped your head off and they hung it from a rope
The only legend you left was your prohibition on soap
I mean, that rat nest beard's trapped so many crumbs
This bum could get marooned and still eat lunch for a month
I'm the emcee assassin, slash like Edward Kenway
Rap so hard call me Al... dente
Take your little sloop John B and go home
Tell South Carolina Blackbeard got Capwned

[Outro]
WHO WON!
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP
(EPIC RAP, EPIC RAP, EPIC RAP)
BATTLES OF HISTORY!