Billy, Boney and Ma

Well, Billy went down to the battleground
To find a little trinket he could call his own
Didn't see nothing lying around
He decided he'd dig awhile
Well, he dug her up and he dug her down
'Fore too long, he found some bones
Poor little Billy couldn't make a sound
When the bones sat up and smiled

"Oh, Billy, you seem like a fine young man
No reason to be a trembling soul
Come over here and shake my hand
Make my proud acquaintance"
Well, Billy, he was stunned, he could hardly stand
Whether he could move, he didn't know
But he knew he had to formulate some kind of plan
Or try the bone-man's patience

The first thing he wanted to do was breathe
So he gulped in some of that battleground air
Next thing he wanted to do was leave
But Billy wasn't raised up rude
Well, the bone-man grunted and he gave a heave
All of a sudden, he was looming there
Shaking off dirt and acting pleased
Things didn't look too good

Well, Billy, he decided "What the hell?"
You don't meet a bone-man every day
A little bit skinny, but you never can tell
He might be a pretty good guy
Well, they started off with the old soft sell
'Fore too long, they was jawing away
By the time the darkness fell
They were seeing socket to eye

They decided right then on a life of crime
With the bone-man's looks and Billy's brains
They could scare old Scrooge out of his last dime
Might as well have a go
Billy, he picked the place and time
From the corner store to the railroad train
Boney'd flash 'em a smile sublime
And, Billy, he'd grab the dough

They decided they might as well start right then
Time's a-wastin', so they say
They headed for the park where the lights are dim
And only the foolish tread
He was whistling a tune when they spotted him
Strolling along, so plump and gay
Boney gave him a great big grin
And Billy snagged his bread

Next come a lady of the night
Boney saddled up and said hello
Gave the poor thing such a terrible fright
She fainted dead away
Billy lifted her purse and her earrings bright
Her diamond ring and watch, you know
Couldn't figure out, try as he might
Why he'd ever worked a single day

Billy's plans ended up in ruin, though
They were working a quaint little neighborhood
Spied an old lady about eighty or so
Almost looked too easy
Boney put on a pretty good show
But the little old lady didn't see too good
"My kind sir, you're all bones, you know
You need something hot and greasy"

Grabbed old Boney, drug him inside
Billy peeked in through the window sill
She fed him boiled and baked and fried
Old Boney, he's chewing like crazy
He gobbled up everything he tried
Pounds added on like you know they will
Billy laid down in the dirt and cried
Watching Boney getting fat and lazy

Well, Billy's back working his job by day
Sleepin' nights, it ain't so bad
Never liked stealing anyway
Kinda gives a guy the willies
Boney and Ma got a new cafe
Best baked beans you ever had
Ma's expecting any day
And they say they're gonna name him Billy