Big Bad Cat

[Spoken Intro]
[Chrissie Hynde as Siri]
I am Siri, the clouded leopard

[Bruce Willis as Spike]
I'm Spike, the purebred mutt!

[Siri]
See these claws?

[Spike]
Sniff my butt!

[Eliza Thornberry]
Spike, why'd you say that?

[Spike]
I was being social

[Darwin Thornberry]
Of course, a simple handshake wouldn't do

[Spike]
Hey twitchy, I do not shake with cats, okay?

[Chrissie Hynde as Siri]
Now... a small chimp for breakfast, a mutt for lunch, and a sensible girl for dinner

[Spike]
Hey, chimp boy, will you stop worrying?
I know all about cats with a capital K
Sit on a windowsill, hack up a fur ball
Ooh! That's very ferocious

[Eliza]
Spike, this isn't your regular house cat

[Spike]
They all twitch their whiskers one whisker at a time, just like you and me

[Intro: Background Singers]
(The big bad cat's an act
The big bad cat's an act)

[Verse 1: Bruce Willis as Spike]
Don't go and be fooled by those fancy pants
It's just her feline arrogancе
Flaunting their collars with tinkly bells
She think hеr litter box don't smell

[Chorus: Bruce Willis as Spike, Chrissie Hynde as Siri, and Background Singers]
Don't go and be fooled by this crazy cat
Don't go and listen to his crazy fact
Not gonna tell you twice
You better watch your back

Don't go and be fooled
The big bad cat's an act
(The big bad cat's an act
The big bad cat's an act)

I thought I warned ya
Not gonna tell you twice
You better watch your back
(Don't go and be fooled
The big bad cat's an act)

[Bridge: Bruce Willis as Spike]
What do you think?
You think I'm afraid of your claws?

[Verse 2: Chrissie Hynde as Siri]
Can the old canine philosophies
Why don't you just go and tend to your fleas?
Don't push me, mutt
I'm just not in the mood
You're one swipe away from becoming cat food

[Chorus: Bruce Willis as Spike, Chrissie Hynde as Siri, and Background Singers]
Don't go and be fooled by this crazy cat
Don't go and listen to his crazy fact
Not gonna tell you twice
You better watch your back

Don't go and be fooled
The big bad cat's an act
(The big bad cat's an act
The big bad cat's an act)

I thought I warned ya
Not gonna tell you twice
You better watch your back

[Bridge: Bruce Willis as Spike, Chrissie Hynde as Siri, and Background Singers]
Don't go and be fooled (Don't go and be fooled)
The big bad cat's a furball hackin'
Rodent snackin' act
That's right, an act
You're just some pussy cat
You think you're tough?

I dare you, Spike, to call my bluff

You're a very scary puddy tat

You're one swipe away from becoming toast
Eliza, get my doggie bag
I'm about to catch a snack
(The big bad cat's an act)

Whoa, who cut the cheese?
Was that you, baby?
(The big bad cat's an act)
You may wanna reexamine your diet

[Reprise: Chrissie Hynde as Siri]
I thought I warned ya
Not gonna tell you twice
You better watch your back

[Outro: Bruce Willis as Spike, and Background Singers]
Here I am, come get me
We can settle this right now, right here
Mano a mano, dogo a cato
(The big bad cat's an act)
Come on, me and you
(The big bad cat's an act)
Come on, let's go right now
I'll rip that fur coat off ya
(I thought I warned ya
Not gonna tell you twice)
And wear it, and all my dog friends will be goin'
(You better watch your back)
"Spike, where'd ya get that skanky cat coat?"
(Don't go and be fooled
The big bad cat's an act)
Hear what I'm sayin', red?