Behold the FUTURE

[Spoken Intro]
Good morning, people of humbler times!
My associates and I, we come to you from the future
That's right, we come from the future
And we have many stories to tell
Stories of war, stories of science, oh yes
Things that will change your lives forever
But all we're prepared to divulge today is this cryptic song

[Verse 1]
In the year 2004
We were opening the door
To a pathway full of sunny looking times
In the year 2005
Stopwatch futures took a dive
Leaving us with nothing more than cents and dimes

[Chorus 1]
In the years we've yet to see
We do not know, but we agree
That there will be no rest
We'll pass our test
Become obsessed and free

[Verse 2]
In the year 2006
We discovered magic tricks
Which we used for waging war against the odds
In the year 2007
They invited us to heaven
And we plundered the casino of the gods

[Chorus 2]
In the years we've yet to know
There is no rain, there's only snow
And there will be no sound
No sky, no ground
So turn around and go
(And go)

[Verse 3]
In the year 2008
Don LaFontaine sealed our fate
In the shady corner of Pandora's Box
In the year 2009
We turned water into wine
Then to Diet Dr. Pepper on the rocks

[Chorus 1]
In the years we've yet to see
We do not know, but we agree
That there will be no rest
We'll pass our test
Become obsessed and free

[Verse 4]
In the year 2010
We were out the door again
But our methods of respect were misconstrued
In the year 2011
We were summoned back to heaven
For a lecture of unearthly magnitude
In the year 2012
We were sadly forced to delve
Into a leather-bound compendium or two
In the year 2013
We destroyed the new machine
Thus completing what we thought we'd never do