​been on my mind

[Verse]
These girls hop around like it's double dutch
Wine in my cup
Sizing 'em up
Where is the love
Reaching for air
Suffocated by trust issues this shit isn't fair
I played by the rules and got clipped on the air
I showed you I cared
I was really there
Helped you more than I thought I would dare
I was dealing with my shit but then I canceled it
Answered every phone call
You don't know the half of it
Never told you 'cause I know your thoughts snowball
I tried to be a good guy but all I got was cut throat
I stopped everything
I stopped making beats and chasing dreams
So I could help you chase your dreams
Funny how that shit turned quick to a nightmare
Ex girl on my mind
Thousand yard stare
Out of the war but I smell blood in the air
PTSD close my eyes I see you there
Impaired
Stumblin' on my feet
I don't normally get like this especially during the week
But I been holding onto words I know it's hard to believe
You lost yourself awhile back and found yourself in me
Then I was your source of happiness
And that’s how we lose 'cause then
When I was hurt you were hurt but you were hurting me
Complicated shit that we waded through
Young kids in love feels like murder in the 3rd degree
Yeah, swear I wish I could give you more
Insecure beautiful girls hard to adore
I tried to give you everything from every single pore
But it was hard for me to open up
Like a locked door I was shut from the moment we kissed
I was already shut before the day that we made love at my crib
I'm sorry, I just been through it all before
Been watching my parents go through it since I was four
Yeah
And now I'm lonely in the aftermath
Sleep with random girls just so I can (a)void the heart attacks
Still can't believe you gave me backlash after everything you said
What a mismatch
Yeah
But whatever I know it's hard for you
I guess when people lie to themselves they lie to you too
Shit's gonna be hard to undo
But fuck it
Yeah