Bath Guardian

[Verse 1: MC Hammersmith]
Hello there don't be alarmed
I'm the magical guardian of the bath
My watery powers are quite amazing
They protect you from accidental death while bathing
I'm the enchanted defender of the tub
I shield your body as you cleanse and scrub
I hide 'neath the suds where the water's murkier
And to be clear: I'm definitely not a burglar
Relics concealed in my ancient gown
Magically еnsure that you never drown
For a thousand yеars they have served immutably
These are water crystals not your granny's jewellery
Protection charms I do bestow
This is my magic wand not your Macbook Pro
Behold my powers soapy journeyer
And to be clear: I'm really, really not a burglar
When I teleport from the otherwhere
Mystic waves spread through the air
These vibrations cause commotion
Which explains why your kitchen window's open
With electronics the waves can clash
Which explains why your burglar alarm is smashed
And your husband tied up in the hallway?
Errrrr...he tripped, I'm not a burglar!
When you entered the house my plan of cunning
Wasn't to spend five minutes running
And jump in fully clothed in a flap
And pretend to be a magic guardian, who would do that?
That balaclava that you see
Is because us guardians love to ski
And ''SWAG'' stands for something wordier:
So Wholly A Guy Who's Not A Burglar!
I hail from a realm called Aquazu
Where I live in a bubble and it rains shampoo
I'm a sentinel from the fifth dimension
My name's Q'aujax, NOT GARY BENTON!
So we're agreed I'm not just a bloke
I'm the sacred sentry of the soak
I'm a bath guardian, I come in peace
So hop on in, don't call the police