Basil Poisoning

I thought I knew what I wanted
But everything that I get I end up pushing away
I spend too much time fearing what I can't control
Can't control
And like the fool I am I never lean

The day the devil won
I lost my will to live

What could it be what's stopping me
Unable to see whats right in front of me
Fighting to find a meaning in this madness
If the fear would disappear will I find my way

I'll probably still kill myself just not for awhile
Here's to every laugh every tear every smile
Don't try to stop me just leave me be
Because the thoughts in my head are not the ones that you see

There we stood equally apathetic
Waiting for the other to say goodbye first
Though I try to unfold it there seems no point to this madness

You pulled me in you made me want to live forever
Now I know what losing forever feels like

There's so many things that I could say
But often I feel like I can't control my brain
Staring at the clock wishing it would stop
I've been too fucked up lately to see what I got

If I can't make it through then I'm better off dead
I've come to dread the place I lay my head

I thought i knew what I wanted but everything that i want i end up pushing away
And like the fool I am I never fucking learn
Fuck