Barry’s Routine

Yes, I'd really like to hurt you
Yes, I wanna make you cry
You know I'd like to take you to Central Park, girl
And lose you around the monkey cages, huh
Yes, I wanna hurt you
Yes, I wanna hurt you now

(Yes, I really wanna make you cry)
Oh my goodness
(Yes, I really wanna hurt you)
Who's that man standing over their with the slack-jaw?
(And I'll hate you 'til the day you die, girl)
C-c-come over here, c-come over here
What's your name?

My name is Howard Cosell
Honeys say I have the most perplexing
The most devastating words that were ever heard in America today
Now standing next to me is the heavy-weight champion of the world
They call him Muhammad Ali
(And I'll hate you 'til the day you die, girl)
Now Ali, they say in Zaire you weren't the man you used to be
Is this true? [?]
(Yes, I really wanna hurt you)
Well I told Frazier, Cosell, I'm still the heavyweight champion of the world
(Yes, I really wanna make you cry)
They all wanna know why I'm so fast, so quick, so pretty
(Yes, I really wanna hurt you)
But I want my money right now, I don't wanna talk to you no more
(And I'll hate you 'til the day you die, girl)
I want my money, I want my money
Shut right on up, Ali

Now right about now, I'd like to introduce another young man
(Let's turn your head up against the wall)
He call himself Eliot Ness
Now Eliot, they say they canceled your show
(Buy some shoes three sizes too small)
How do you feel about that?
(And not ev—)
I said Rico— Rico, Smitty, come over here
I want you to call this number right now:
U81-I812 [You ate one, I ate one too]
And we'll rush up the 125th street, and maybe we can get some girls, huh?
Shut the heck on up, Eliot

Now we gonna move on to another man who calls himself Get Dumb
I said, no, I said Get Smart
Ladies and gentlemen, step right up to the mic
My name is Maxwell Smart and I'd like to say, err, uh…
(Yes, I really wanna make you cry)
Yesterday I was at a marathon and I saw 85 midgets with no legs
(Yes, I really wanna hurt you)
Now only two of them finished the race
(And I'll hate you 'til the day you die)
Now would you believe one finished the race
Would you believe I just want to hurt you now

(What's inside your head girl?)
Haha, ha, ha, I just wanna hurt you
(Do you think you're in another world?)
Haha, ha, ha, yes I'd really like to hurt you
(Baby, for you were my girl, ohh)
Haha, ha, ha, yes I wanna hurt you
(I really want to hurt you now, yeah)
Yes I wanna hurt you now
Haha, ha
Ah yeah

(I just wanna hurt you now)
We must find Felix, where is Felix?
(I just wanna hurt you now)
I don't know, he must be somewhere around
(I just wanna hurt you now, now, now)
H-here he is professor, here he is right here! I got him by the arm!
(I just wanna hurt you now)
Let go of my arm, Rock, what are you doing Rock?
Let go— le-let go of my—
(I just wanna hurt you, girl)
Ah, that feels good Rock, keep on, righty-o
(That's because no one does the things I do to you)
Haha, ha, we just wanna hurt you
([?])
We just wanna hurt you now

(I'd like to buy you some pair of shoes that's three sizes too small)
Well, if I can raise the dress as high as the prices are today
(Yes, I really don't, man, I don't really care at all)
And maybe low economy to my ankles
Then I may just really wanna hurt you
(I don't wanna hurt you now)
I just wanna hurt you now

(I don't wanna hurt you, I don't wanna hurt you, no girl
And see, I was lying when I was saying that, girl)
Here we go, get up out of that seating
('Cause yes I, yes I wanna hurt you, haha, ah yeah)
Stand up next to me, I wanna tell you something
Get your finger out your nose, Rico!
Now this is what I want you to do
(Yes, I'd like to hurt you, girl, oh)
Run down 125th street and I want you to do something for me
I want you to go down there and cop something from a guy named [?]
(Yes, I'd like to hurt you now)
Then I want you to come back and roll it up for me
Because, haha
I just wanna hurt you
(Baby, haha)
I just wanna hurt you now

(I just wanna hurt you now
I said I just wanna hurt you, girl
Even though I said I was your man
Had to let go of your hand
'Cause I wanna hurt you, girl
Yes, oh yes)
I just wanna hurt you now
(I just wanna hurt you, girl
[?], oh baby)
I'm a lover, not a fighter
(I'd like to kick you down a couple of flight of stairs
I'd like to be so cruel to you)