Away

I don't want to like, make a proper song. I don't want to sing. Because I can't sing. And I don't want to write because I'm sick of writing. I'm sick of rhyming, I'm sick of... I'm sick of... I'm sick of being forced to write the way that I'm supposed to write, I just want to talk. I just want to express my idea without jumping through hoops and watering it down. Um. This song sounds weird. And, it's supposed to. It's, I- It's not music. It's an expression. I- You're not going to like it, I guess. Um, it's not good, but it's what I'm making because I want to make it and I don't care if you think it's good or not. I- I just, I just want my own little soliloquy. I just want to- I just want to talk. Uh, anyways uh. I wish that I could pretend I don't know why I hate myself, but I know why I hate myself and it's completely understandable. It makes sensе why I hate myself. I wish I could pretеnd I didn't have- I wish I could pretend I- I-I wish I could pretend I didn't know why I have all this anxiety, but I know exactly why I have all this anxiety. And um, I- I don't know. I should be happy right now, but I'm not. I have everything that I could ever want, and I'm just always, always thinking of the worst. And it's- it's- it's really terrible because, last moth I was not doing well. And then earlier this month, I was doing well for once. Then just a couple days later, all of that vanished. And that's exactly what I was fearing then. I was thinking "oh, I'm happy now. Am I still going to be happy in 3 days?" No. I'm not- I don't know dude. I- I don't know if my problems can be solved. My problems are nothing compared to a lot of other people, and that's part of the uh problem for me I guess. 'Cause I- I don't want to share my problems 'cause- Well, I don't- eh, I have- My problems are either, it's like, "oh this is so insignificant, stop crying about it" or it's like um "oh I- I can't believe you did this, I'm not gonna- I don't like you anymore" it's one of those. It's one of those. Um, I don't know I- A lot of the times, I want to vent, and I make like this- I make like a massive post and I'm about to send it, and I- I just don't, because I don't want the- I don't want the person reading it to view me negatively. And I'm such an attention seeker. I- But I like positive attention, I don't like negative attention. And, I- I don't like people thinking bad about me, obviously. That's- that's very obvious. But, like, there's so much that I want to express but I just can't express because people are going to think bad about me and I don't like people thinking bad about me. And it's- there's just no one that I can really talk to. Like, I don't even want a therapist to think bad about me. I- I don't- I don't know what more to say, um. I'm sorry I- uh. I'm sorry I'm like this, I guess. I really wish that I could just be happy, and be the person that people want me to be, but I'm not. I'm me, and I hate that. I have more to say, but I don't want to say more. So I- I'm just going to end it here, I guess. Yeah, that was my short little soliloquy. It doesn't really mean anything, it's not significant. Bye, I guess.