Attracted to Pain

The same inadequate feelings I had when I was 9 in love with an eighth-grader come up when you're around me;
Envy, jealousy, sadness, lack of confidence compiled into an extensive list of defects;
I still feel like a reject;
So I must eject your madness;
Cleaning out my cabinets;
Taking my key set back to the heart muscle you pickpocketed me for;
Deep emotional struggles stain the canvas of my psyche;
Nice guys finish last;
That is the case with you and me;
Nice lies finish fast;
I lost the race before it started;
Truancy so late to the dance;
I'm 31, you 21;
Shoulda known better;
Shoulda ran away when I spotted you;
But I entertained my appetite for pretty lips;
Let my ship sink yet plotted to get over my attitude;
I guess I got too much to work on to fuck with ya;
Take a picture of my condition then mount it in your memory;
Sweetness can't compare to aggressiveness when you're messing with damaged beauty;
Sleepin' on my instincts, I need to listen;
It takes a lot to feed a fish and keep it alive;
I will survive and I will improve;
I will fuck up when I'm in the mood;
I tell myself I like the pain;
When I hate the pain, I state my name in a picture frame, in the hall of shame, when it's not the case, so I must refrain, from you again;
It's not the pace I want to run;
I want to face my emotional demons;
And now and then they creep in, but I will not let them stay;

HOOK X3
There is something wrong with me;
I don't know what it is;
I'm attracted to what hurts;
The most, now that's the shit;
Give it to me baby, hurt my heart, I like the scars;
I guess I haven't learned my lesson yet;

Feel me on this verse;
It's a blessing, and a curse;
To think from the heart first;
Many times brought to the brink;
Tears wanna expose my weakness;
I'm running like I'm in the [...];
Always end up feeling defeated;
This end up when you open the heart box;
She's a bitch when she don't open it right;
Holdin' my nights and days in the palms of ya hands like [...] see you;
I am the prototype;
Hold the mic with confidence;
Then step out into the light and shrink;
I ain't shit, my disease is strong;
Used to fight it with a bong;
Now I write it in a song, highlight it and move it on;

HOOK X3
There is something wrong with me;
I don't know what it is;
I'm attracted to what hurts;
The most, now that's the shit;
Give it to me baby, hurt my heart, I like the scars;
I guess I haven't learned my lesson yet;