Ashamed (Freestyle)

[Verse]
Can't sleep
2 A.M., fuckin' throwing up
Sorry mom but I'm giving up
I can't sleep, I can't eat
Numb from my head to my feet
I think I'm dying
I swear to God, momma, that I'm trying
Passed out, carried on the stretcher
On the same shit that killed Heath Ledger
That shit got me depressed
My mom asked for a drug test
Within 30 days, 15 milligrams
Yeah, I'm hooked on the Xans
It's been a week and I ain't had none
I swear to God that I'm fuckin' done
But how do I deal with the pain?
All the shit I been through, I might go insane
So many deaths and so much loss
I much rather fuck and stay sauced
But I guess I'll deal with the hurt
Even if it puts me in the dirt
I wonder what my sis would think
Up in heaven, watching me puke in the sink
I had some Z's and a few to drink
I'm ashamed