Antiophobia

[Intro]
Desperate for an answer
Or a response that I know won't come back
Wondering where you went after your soul departed and into the black
And Ethan, if you even exist, I long to see you again
Even if it means going through hell, over and over and over
If it means that much
Then I simply will kill myself
To just see if you're alive

[Chorus]
I close my eyes
But I'm too scared to fall asleep
'Cause in my dreams I watch you die right in fucking front of me
A million times, I have tried, to change the outcome of my dreams
But I can't save you
And I need help
I refuse to believe that God took you away

[Verse 1]
I'm alone
Guilt and shame will bury me
And if the hole filled with broken memories
When I die, let me exist with you with me
You don't lie, even if it's just pitch black

[Pre-Chorus]
I don't know what's beyond the grave
I just hope you are okay

[Chorus]
I close my eyes
But I'm too scared to fall asleep
'Cause in my dreams I watch you die right in fucking front of me
A million times, I have tried, to change the outcome of my dreams
But I can't save you
And I need help
I refuse to believe that God took you away

[Verse 2]
I've been falling here forever
Told to gather, stand wherever
If I may find you, I will sever all the pain
Maybe suffering is worth it, If it means you're not deserted
And I know that I'm not perfect
But will you let me into heaven?

[Verse 3]
If there's an afterlife and you're not there
Then I don't wanna fucking go
If I have to go to heaven or hell, light or darkness
I will do whatever it takes
With every fucking fiber of my body, I will move mountains
Ye have little faith, I will find you
Even if I have to cut myself every fucking time

[Verse 4]
Blood is on my hands
Stand outside the graves
I will walk with them
You're never being up-front

[Outro]
I grasp for things out of reach
Like the amount of stars in the sky, it's fun
They remind me of you
Shining so bright eons after they die
I hope to become one with the night sky
And meet you in the lights of the universe again