Another Terrible Day

[MR. D]
Oh, you're alive
I suppose that's good news for you
But it means a lot more paperwork for me
So don't expect me to be happy to see you
Of course, being alive is temporary

[MR. D, spoken]
So, maybe if I go away and play pinochle for a few hours things might improve. For me. Not for you You'd be dead.​

[PERCY, spoken]
Where am I?

[MR. D]
Great
You haven't been debriefed
This is way out of my pay grade
Which is saying a lot
'Cause I don't get paid
Someone find Professor hay-for-breath
And tell him Peter Johnson is awake
So he better clip-clop over here

[PERCY, spoken]
It's Percy Jackson

[MR. D, spoken]
Whatever

[MR. D]
Just another terrible day
At Camp Half-Blood
Where everything's the worst
Just another terrible day
When you're in charge
It's like you're cursed

[MR. D, spoken]
Well, technically. I am cursed. One romp in the woods with Zeus' favorite wood nymph and you're stuck running a summer camp for a bunch of needy half-bloods

[PERCY, spoken]
Half-blood?

[MR. D, spoken]
Half-god, half-mortal. Does no one watch the orientation film?

[PERCY, spoken]
Did you say half-god?

[MR. D, spoken]
Yeah. And I half-care
Who's next? Silena Beauregard!
Oh, great, she's crying.​

[SILENA, spoken]
I was walking in the strawberry fields with Charlie Beckendorf and we were holding hands and everything was totally normal and then I kissed him
And all of a sudden he started growing sunflowers. Everywhere!

[MR. D]
Look, kid, I hate to be the one to tell ya
But I think that Charlie Beckendorf was also holding hands
With a nymph who doesn't wanna wish you well
To tell you the truth
I think the best thing is to break up with the guy

(spoken)
Of course, who am I to give relationship advice? I'm literally the god of alcohol

[SILENA, spoken]
But he loves me!

[MR. D, spoken]
He loves you not
Next!

[MR. D]
Another terrible day
At Camp Half-Blood
Where everything's the worst
Just another terrible day
I'm the god of wine and I'm dying of thirst

[PERCY, spoken]
Wait, did you say you're a God?

[MR. D, spoken]
Dionysus, god of wine. Yeah, gods are real. Yippy skippy
Katie Gardner! I see you've injured your arm

[KATIE, spoken]
I fell off a pegasus

[MR. D, spoken]
You don't have flying lessons on Thursdays, you have archery

[KATIE, spoken]
Arrows are made of wood! Wood comes from trees! I refuse to participate in any activity that encourages the senseless slaughter of our arboreal friends!

[MR. D]
Oh, Gods, give me Ares or Apollo
Anyone but the Demeter kids' cabin
Now that you've blessed us
Go talk to Hephaestus
Before I take a knife to my head and start stabbin'!

[MR. D, spoken]
And stay away from the pegasi! Girls and ponies
Speaking of ponies

[PERCY, spoken]
Mr. Brunner?

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
Percy!

[PERCY, spoken]
What are you doing here? This guy is saying all this crazy stuff about nymphs and gods and... What is going on?

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
It's complicated

[MR. D]
Oh, kid, you have no idea
About this place or your former mentor
I don't have time to fill you in on the details
But look, he's also a centaur

[CHIRON, spoken]
I did mean to tell you

[MR. D, PERCY, spoken]
Another terrible day (Mr. Brunner?)
At Camp Half-Blood
Where everything's the worst (You're a horse?!)
Just another terrible day (What is happening?!)
You can hate it here
But I hated it first
Another terrible day
Stuck with these runts in the muck and mud
Another terrible day
Oh, Gods!

[MR. D, spoken]
I need a drink

[MR. D]
Enjoy your stay at Camp Half-Blood