Another M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath

FZ: Alright. We have another special thing we have to do before we begin our program. It's a little problem that we run into every time we play in a socially retarded area . . . Basically what it amounts to is this—Some people have the wrong idea about what our musical ensemble is all about, you know, they have these praised fantasies about what we're gonna do when we get on stage, you see? And Florida being the great place that it is . . . has quite a few of these fantasies and, you know, they're disturbing enough that some promoters and uh, important people down here deemed that necessary to put special clauses into our contract that would preclude anything that would fall under the classification of obscenity or weirdness on stage, so to prove that our heart is in the right place we're gonna take a loyalty oath now on stage, swear it before you. Everybody in the band, raise your right hand! . . . I hereby, no— "I," then you say your name .

I
(I . . . Volman)
Do hereby solemnly swear
(Do hereby solemnly swear)
In accordance with the laws of the great state of Florida
(In accordance with the laws of the great state of Florida)
And the demands of rednecks everywhere
(And the demands of rednecks everywhere)
Do hereby solemnly
(Do hereby solemnly)
Agree
(Agree)
Under no circumstances whatsoever
(Under no circumstances whatsoever)
Outside of a private showing in the hotel some place
(Outside . . . Call me later!)
I hereby swear I would not whip out my tool
(Tool)
[...]
([...])
Rod
(Rod)
[...]
([...])
Penis
(Penis)
Or any other name that you wanna call
(Or any other name . . . Right on!)
[...] pull your legs
(Right)
Here in Florida
(Yeah!)
In the rock & roll industry
(Yeah!)
So help me God
(So help me God)
[...]
(Thank you!)
As we .
([...]!)