Animus

[Verse 1]
Living my life tryna carry on, siting in pain, they told me to be strong
But agony strikes me so deep, don’t know how long I will last, this journey is too long
Hard mornings and hard nights, every moment and day I struggle through the mental fight
Losing hope, the mist blinds my sight, confidence disappearing in the twilight
Dreamchasers, unbelievers, stargazers, fazers, fantasizers, and disrupters
Ambition and uncertainty seems to connect one another, not sure why but they tie together
But I’ve experienced enough of this disbelief, my kin was supposed to believe in me
Guess not, so now I gotta prove it somehow to others that they may see my possible dreams

[Verse 2]
Was weak in shape and in suffering, people say I wasn’t rough enough, so I had to toughen up
Wanted somebody to notice when I was down, knocked down, and had the simple love of helping me up
Walking through the valley of shadow of death, faced early struggles I didn’t see anyone beside me
Even though I tried to make you see, you thought I had bad attitude, where was the support I seeked
Uh, was that so much to ask for, something so small, felt the heat and was getting desperate
But now I made it through, no thanks to you, so next time recognize the obvious get a clue
Cause I made friends out of toys, created names and personalities for my hands, desultory games
Stuffed animals slept beside me, day dreaming my true world, people take me as insane
The fact is I turned my very own creativity and imagination into my own happiness
It only lasted so long though, till actuality hit me, started to feel the pain of loneliness
101 Fahrenheit, teeth ache, body soiled, 3rd degrees, stressed work, operations, y’all helped me through all of that
But you didn’t carry me through isolation, I did it all alone, hear the animus in my rap

[Verse 3]
A woman on the street and the yellow wallpaper, don’t a give care if I’m an outsider
In fact I like to be one, cause I am not a robot, don’t waste your life, be a rebel, be a fighter
Sometimes the ones you call friends be who envy the most, like Loso going B.E.T on friends and haters
Better switch your sixth sense onto activated, hurry listen to me now and then thank me later
Broken bonds of the brotherhood, both of you shattered the triangle of the Three Musketeers
So from then on I just cut others off, holding no longer, now I have nothing to fear
Followed the crowd, chasing popularity and fame, forgot loyalty and left me in dust
But now I understand that the cool kids don’t run wit the nerds, so they just do as they must
Uh, only a few years, well I’m surprised, it’s super amazing how people can change so fast
I was so foolish to think the good times were gonna last, that’s why they call it the past
Don’t act like you can’t figure out who this is out to, yeah you know who you are
Wanna mess with the legendary, well you can find me under a black cloud, I'm a dark star

[Verse 4]
My heart, my skin, my bones, my brain, my nerves, supernova bout to rip, break, and explode
Strength rotting, going away flake after flake, after birth December awaits me, young meets cold
Sucking away my life, getting drowsy and torpid, fb and Google part of the internet generation
Tryna fall back, but it’s hard and addicting, got me outta character, changed me I’m now not patient
Can’t lie ‘bout my hatred, sick and tired of the whiteboard, I won’t be defined by letters and numbers
Never had been good at the studies, breaking culture stereotypes with eyes and grade calibers
Fool’s Paradise put me into comatose into fallout, then got rejuvenated into a detoxified artist
Listening to the same old music, got my rehab from Lecrae, no need for anymore therapists
Sorry for the rambling, meet Sigma, if ya don’t know him you don’t know me as well as ya think
Can’t keep up wit the rhymes, don’t be like my old iPod, fix up, function correctly and sync
Yeah I ain’t afraid of being me, used to be meek now I ain’t, unashamed to be the real JGKC
Friends and stepping stones all the same to me, all I can do is go to bed and weep
Guess I failed the trials, wished I could’ve passed and not do this frenzy of a tormented soul
Father in heaven I need a cure, please free and heal me of my desolation before I get too old
Something is stirring within me, the murk is unleashing, identity crisis I’m losing command
Man, God, what have I become, sometimes even I don’t know who I am