An Honest 2017 Christmas Song

[We Wish You A Merry Christmas: Cheerful Malinda, Cynical Malinda]
We wish you a merry Christmas
With a hint of cognitive dissonance
It's a 2017 Christmas
How can we celebrate this year?

[Carol of the Bells: Cynical Malinda]
Pass round the food, block out the noise
Mom and dad are broke, but hey we love toys
Buy him a gift, try to forget
Your student loans will drown you in debt
Keep Uncle Jim at the buffet
Don't let him know his nephews are gay
So many refugees nobody sees
Turn a blind eye, where's the pumpkin pie?
Nations divide while we decide
The debt we accrue millennials can't undo
Hurricanes inviting cowardice
While Puerto Rico is still powerless and
Morals getting thinner, focus on your dinner
Gotta be a winner
Spin your fidget spinner...

[Joy to the World: Cheerful Malinda, Cynical Malinda]
Joy to the world, it's 2018!
We're not dead, not yet!
We've gotten rid of polio
And nothing rhymes with polio (What?)
More adults can read
And with literacy we'll be freed
From the hold of our ignorance
We will succeed
In the grip of our ignorance
Some states might secede

[Jingle Bells: Cynical Malinda]
Habitats destroyed
Our forests up in smoke
Polar bears will be extinct
Global warming's "still a hoax"
California days
Ever warm and bright
With wildfires raging, burning everything in sight

[Silent Night: Cheerful Malinda]
More kids are in school than ever before
#MeToo you can't ignore
The Ice Bucket challenge actually worked
The internet's not just egotistical jerks
And Fiona the hippo was cute
Fiona the hippo was cute

[Hallelujah Chorus: Cynical Malinda]
Misogyny!
Inequality!
Governmental hypocrisy!
Bureaucracy!
Anarchy!
Mediocrity

[O Holy Night: Cheerful Malinda, Cynical Malinda, Both Malindas]
Global poverty rates lower than ever
But the may rise again for all we know
Creators make us smile by making YouTube content
But now their internet will soon be too slow (R.I.P Net Neutrality)
I think that we have kinda hit rock bottom
But that means there's only one way to go
It's not over yet
We'll find a silver lining
So here's to moving on!
I guess...
Let's pray we don't meet the guillotine
Let's not fuck up 2018!
We won't mess up 2018