Alpha Male & The Canine Mystery Blood

Alpha Male & The Canine Mystery Blood
Came to town with Death Cab for Cutie
I stayed home with my wife and child and a six-pack of beer
I pondered that name for fifteen minutes
After I saw the poster stapled to a phone pole
On the corner of Grand and 21st

That was a couple of years ago
I was already in my forties then
So I didn't go out on a whim just to see a
Band called Alpha Male & The Canine Mystery Blood
Just because I liked the name
Just because I'm twenty-five and
Every day's a stoned summer day

My band was always giggin' then
REM was still kickin' then
I drove that Ford Grenada Mom and Dad gave to me
After they got 'em a Ford LTD
And there was music on MTV
I smoked my manager's pot
And got laid quite a lot

Planes hadn't flown into towers yet
And we didn't have a loose cannon president
We didn't have all this credit card debt
Hangin' over the house like a cloud
Ensurin' there's not much more druggin' allowed
A body won't take it, wallet can't hang
Singin' all the songs I've sang for years
And when it's a band gig, it's rockin'
And when it's solo, the people are talkin' while I'm singin'
Make me depressed, you think I could take a hint?
My time came and went
Hell, there's many nights I came and went
In a manner of speakin', my conscience is sleepin'
The world is changin', the good times are gone
We get to be the folks who greet the dawn
Of an age of mistrust, surveillance, and sleaze
And bombs in shoes and way too many enemies

I bet their name was Menstrual Blood
And the A&R guy said, "That's no good
Make it Mystery and then we can target
A broader base of goth dog lover market"

I love my boy and he's becomin' a drummer
Got a drum kit from Santa, at this rate by summer
He'll be keepin' a beat in a world that needs a metronome
Shoved up its ass so hard
That all voices'll raise in the heavenly choir
Shit'll get straight, brothers'll hug
We'll dance like we did in the decades of drugs

I'm spittin' my genes in an ocean that's risin'
Clingin' to Jesus with some compromisin'
Of how it was handed to me from my mom
And my daddy the preacher
Who watched all that TV in a cream recliner
Frownin' through life like a stoned hardliner
You couldn't faze him, he knew Jesus
Died for his sins and was raised from the dead
And I've always wondered, why can't he stay dead?
It doesn't change any good thing he said
What matters is his life and not how he died
Why can't he just be a nice Jewish guy?
Who was super clued in and showed us the way
To salvation from sin
And that doesn't mean that you're not quote-unquote "saved"
You fry like a piece of country ham in your grave
It's a great big world, life is a joke
Arabs and Christians, Pepsi and Coke
People so gorgeous it causes 'em pain
And nobody gives any sympathy for somethin' like that
You suffer in silence or form a band
With a name that appeals to goth dog lovers everywhere
On a poster that's seen by a forty-ish bastard walkin' to work at 8:15
Eleven an hour for all that he does
Can't be a has-been if you never was
Goin' all day long without eatin'
'Til all my nerve endings are seriously overheatin'
I get wobbly walkin' down the stairs
To smoke me a cigarette out in the cold fresh air
Wonderin' why I do the things I do
And I do 'em every day and it can't turn out good livin' this way
But live this life I must and
In some fuzzy God, I'll trust
I'll kiss my wife, I'll kiss my son and
Maybe someday, I'll go for a run
Maybe someday, a song will stick
I'll walk around like I got a big boat
Maybe someday, my boy'll drum in a
Hippie jam band that plays out some
He'll take after Daddy, get in the van
Go somewhere only young people can
Doin' things only young people do
Bangin' those skins at Bonnaroo
Rockin' the dreadheads, dancin' in the mud
Before Alpha Male & The Canine Mystery Blood
God go with him, amen