All That Jazz

[VELMA]
Come on, babe
Why don't we paint the town?
And all that jazz

I'm gonna rouge my knees
And roll my stockings down
And all that jazz

Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
But the piano's hot

It's just a noisy hall
Where there's a nightly brawl
And all that jazz

Slick your hair
And wear your buckle shoes
And all that jazz

I hear that father dip
Is gonna blow the blues
And all that jazz

Hold on, hon
We're gonna bunny hug
I bought some Aspirin
Down at United Drug

In case you shake apart
And want a brand new start
To do that-

[VELMA & ENSEMBLE]
Jazz

[ENSEMBLE MEMBER #2]
Skiddoo!

[VELMA]
And all that jazz

[ENSEMBLE MEMBER #1]
Hotcha!

[ENSEBMLE MEMBER #3]
Whoopee!

[VELMA]
And all that jazz

[ENSEMBLE, hushed]
Hah! Hah! Hah!

[VELMA]
It's just a noisy hall
Where there's a nightly brawl
And

[VELMA & ENSEMBLE]
All that jazz

[FRED, spoken]
Listen, uh, your husband ain't home, is he?

[VELMA, spoken]
No, her husband is not at home

[ENSEMBLE]
*laughs*

[VELMA & ENSEMBLE]
Find a flask
We're playing fast and loose

And all that jazz

Right up here
Is where I store the juice

And all that jazz

Come on, babe
We're gonna brush the sky
I betcha lucky Lindy
Never flew so high

'Cause in the stratosphere
How could he lend an ear
To all that jazz

Oh, you're gonna see
Your sheba shimmy shake

And all that jazz

Oh, she's gonna shimmy
Till her garters break

And all that jazz

Show her where to park her girdle
Oh, her mother's blood'd curdle
If she'd hear
Her baby's queer
For all that jazz

All that jazz
Come on babe why don't we paint the town (Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy shake)
And all that jazz (And all that jazz)

I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down (Oh she's gonna shimmy 'till her garters break)
And all that jazz (And all that jazz)
Start the car I know a whoopee spot (Show her where to park her girdle)
Where the gin is cold (Oh, her mother's blood'd curdle)
And the piano's hot

It's just a noisy hall (If she'd hear)
Where there's a nightly brawl (Her baby's queer)
And all that- (For all that-)

[ROXIE, FRED, & ENSEMBLE WOMEN, spoken]
So that's final, huh, Fred?
Yeah, I'm afarid so, Roxie
Oh, Fred...
Oh, Fred...
Yeah?
Nobody walks out on me!
*gunshot*
But sweetheart-
Don't "sweetheart" me, you son-of-a-bitch!
*gunshots*
Whoopee!
Hotcha!
Jazz!
Oh, I gotta pee!

[VELMA]
No, I'm no one's wife
But, oh, I love my life
And all that jazz

[ENSEMBLE]
That jazz!