All-American

[Verse 1]
Well in 2007 I took a little trip
Along with my guitar, across the mighty Miss-a-sip
And I was headin' out to Cali for a show or two
Well I'd been drivin' for a damn long time
My eyes were gettin' heavy and my throat was dry
So I stopped off in this little Texas town for a brew

[Verse 2]
And every one stared, I don't know why
Had my aviators on just to shade my eye
It must have been the long-haired and sandals I had on
Yeah, I just wasn't quite Western enough
No boots, hats, or buckles or any of that stuff
And my t-shirt had some lyrics from a Bob Marley song

[Verse 3]
So I sat at the bar, put my head down low
I figured just one beer then I would go
'Cause I'd never been one to go around lookin' for a fight
So I finished that beer put my tip on the bar
Started making my way out front to the car
I thought I'd hit the road and everything would be alright

Wrong

[Verse 4]
You know things don't always go as planned
You just got to play the cards in your hand
And that day God dealt me a two and a seven off suite
'Cause I'd almost made it to the door
Then suddenly I found my ass on the floor
And I'd looked up to see what I'd gotten myself into

[Verse 5]
He's about six foot five, three hundred pounds
It was him and his buddies all standin' around
Just starin' down at me with this evil look in their eye
He said you look like a goddamn liberal bastard
Bet you love Marylin Albright and hate Dennis Thacher
And judgin' by the hippy shit you're wearin' I'd say I'm right

[Verse 6]
Well you're an unpatriotic yankee piece of shit
You'll vote Hillary Clinton for president
And if you'll step outside I'll knock some sense in your head
Well, things were escalatin' really fast
I had to think of something quick just to save my ass
So I stood up, brushed my self off, looked at him and said

[Chorus]
I'm an All-American son of a bitch
I buy import cars and cigarettes
And I buy my lotto tickets from an Indian
Well, this Chinese woman cleans my clothes
My grass gets cut by Juan and Pablo
'Til the feds catch up and kick both their asses out

[Verse 7]
Now I'm about as unpatriotic as anybody here
And I pointed out his German beer
Hopin' and a-prayin' I could make him see the light
You see them leather boots are from New Zealand
And that Swiss Army watch got it's name for a reason
Now don't you feel ashamed when people ask for the time?

[Verse 8]
Sir, I'd be glad to step outside
If you can look me dead in the eye
And tell me where that all-American cowboy hat was made
Well I crossed my fingers, prayed to God I was right
'Cause if I wasn't there was gonna be a fight
But he hung his head down low and whispered

China

[Bridge]
Well I caught a little understanding in his eye
But the effect wasn't quite what I had in mind
'Cause he pulled his Russian pistol and chased me out the door

[Chorus]
But I'm an All-American son of a bitch
I buy import cars and cigarettes
And I buy my lotto tickets from an Indian
This Chinese woman cleans my clothes
My grass gets cut by Juan and Pablo
'Til the feds catch up and kick both their asses out

[Chorus]
Oh yeah, I'm an All-American son of a bitch
I buy import cars and cigarettes
And I can buy my lotto tickets from an Indian
This Chinese woman cleans my clothes
My grass gets cut by Juan and Pablo
'Til the Feds catch up and kick both their asses out

[Outro]
Yeah, 'til the feds catch up and kick both their asses out