Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number To Write Lyrics About

SCENE. NEW YORK CITY. TAXI.

Enter SUPERFLYRONALD, SAMEOLDSHAWN, and MABOO

"I'm a Boss" by Meek Mill plays in SUPERFLYRONALD's head

SUPERFLYRONALD
[re: "I'm a Boss"]
"And I'm only 23, I'm the shit, now look at me."
[re: Maboo and Shawn]
I can't wait 'till I turn 23,
so I can tweet that Meek Mill line.

SAMEOLDSHAWN
I feel like there's a line for every age.

SUPERFLYRONALD
What's that Jay-Z one? "Young cause I'm 32,
flow like 18, something-something, dress like I'm 23.

SAMEOLDSHAWN
But isn't that line about Jordan? The 23?
And Magic is 32, right?

MABOO
But it's young like I'm 32. He's talking about his age.

SUPERFLYRONALD
Drake has a lot of them. "I just tell the truth
and so I'm cool in any hood spot, twenty one years
and I ain't never a met a good cop."

MABOO
That's a blog post right there.

The lights dim. The audience enters the blog, already impressed with its structure and excited to see its actual content

[Best Bar for Age 13 - Childish Gambino, "Power"]
This is on a bus back from camp. I’m thirteen and so are you.

[Best Bar for Age 16 - Rick Ross ft. Andre 3000, "Sixteen"]
The world has said so much to me, and I just wanna give right back to 'em
But... I only get 16, that's like a cage, you know?

[Alternate Kendrick Line]
If I told you I killed a nigga at 16, would you believe me?
Or see me to be innocent Kendrick you seen in the street

[Best Bar for Age 17 - Freddie Gibbs, "Seventeen"]
I was on my grind when I was 17
Only half a thing for a stack worth of 17
Took a road trip, came back, have me 7 nins
When I turn 18, I’m worried by 7 things

[Best Bar for Age 18 - Fall Out Boy, "Reinventing The Wheel To Run Myself Over"]
I can't wake up to these reminders of who I am:
A failure at everything
18 going on extinct

[Best Bar for Age 19 - Mobb Deep, "Shook Ones"]
I'm only nineteen but my mind is older
And when the things get for real my warm heart turns cold

[Best Bar for Age 20 - The Weeknd, "Loft Music"]
I promise you gon' see
That I'm only fucking 20, girl
Amnesia
Put your mind in a dream world

[Alternate Kendrick Line]
As a kid I killed two adults, I’m too advanced
I lived my 20's at two years old, the wiser man

[Best Bar for Age 21 - Drake, "I'm Goin' In"]
I just tell the truth so I'm cool in every hood spot
21 years and I ain't ever met a good cop

[Best Bar for Age 22 - Big Sean, GOOD Music Freestyle & Taylor Swift, "22"]
Whoever told you sky’s the limit is looking dumb
Cause I’m 22 and I’m moonwalking on the sun

and...

You don't know about me but I bet you want to
Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22, 22

[Alternate Kendrick Line]
I haven't ate in the last 22 summers and I'm 22 now it's about to go down

[Best Bar for Age 23 Blink 182 - "What's My Age Again?" (j/k, there's a ton of references)]
Vroom yeah I know my car sound like a T-Rex
Bitch, I'm 23 years old and I ain't riding in a Prius (Big Sean, "Burn")

Why has every woman never dined here before?
Am I the only 23 year old wine connoisseur?
The Rothschilds, the Cru's, the Gajas and the Opuses (Drake, "You Know You Know")

I done sold 100,000 before my album got dropped
And I'm only 23 I'm the shit now look at me (Meek Mill, "I'm a Boss")

23 with a money tree
Growing more too: I just planted a hundred seeds (Drake, "The Resistance")

Ay, now that I see you at twenty-three, all I can say is... (The-Dream, "Shawty Is Da Shit")

Having lunch and debating Ferrari prices
23 and going through a midlife (Drake, "Paris Morton Music")

Oh I rap baby, how old are you?
She say 22, I say 23
Ok then we all crack babies (Kendrick, "A.D.H.D.")

[Best Bar for Age 24 - Big K.R.I.T, "Man On Fire" & Trinidad James "Given No Fucks"]
I'm 24 years old, and you can ask anybody about me
They probably tell you the same thing
He fly as hell, he fresh as fuck

and...

It's a blessing I saw twenty four
(Ain't that the truth)
The police never give a pass
(They run and shoot)

[Best Bar for Age 25 - Selections from Kendrick and Drake and Kanye]
How you feel how you feel how you feel?
25, sitting on 25 mill (Drake, "The Motto")

At the time of this rhyme, 5 years ’til I know 30
Cole World in the summer brings snow flurries (J. Cole, "Return of Simba")

I’m a maniac when aiming at the enemy that lied
Tell a story that I'll never glory 25 (Kendrick, "Cartoon and Cereal")

(Kids, sing! Kids, sing!)
We wasn't supposed to make it past 25
Joke's on you, we still alive (Kanye, "We Don't Care")

I asked her where she wanna be when she 25
She turned around and looked at me and said “alive” (Kanye, "Welcome To The Jungle")

They tell me
It’s very difficult to see 25 and if I survive it’ll probably be with a celly (Kendrick, "Barbed Wire")

[Best Bar for Age 26 - Jay-Z, "New Day"]
Took me 26 years to find my path
My only job is cut the time in half

[Best Bar for Age 27 - D-12, "Whether Or Not"]
I'm a 27-year-old-eleven-year-old, I'mma never grow up, bitch I ain't gon' never get old
I'll be sitting here with a cane and a beard
Still insane and as weird as a deaf-can'-even-hear, brain in my rear, yeah
So 'till I'm wrinkled as Robert Van Winkle, I'm a drop a damn single every goddamn week people
It's D12, June 19th, so do like me, and go buy three, with no I.D

[Best Bar for Age 28 - The Weeknd, "28" & Danny Brown "30"]
When I turned 28 they like what you gonna do now?

[Best Bar for Age 29 - Game, "American Dreamin'"]
I guess this how a nigga 'posed to feel
When your 29 sittin on 29 mil

[Best Bar for Age 30 - Selections From Danny and Jay-Z and Weezy]
I'm just a little nigga, trying to be a civil nigga
30 years old, shit, that'll be a different nigga (Lil Wayne, "Fly Out")

30's the new 20 nigga I'm so hot still (Jay-Z, 30 Something)

When I turned 28 they like what you gonna do now
And now a nigga 30
So I don’t think ya'll heard me
That the last ten years I been so fucking stressed
Tears in my eyes let me get this off my chest (Danny Brown, 30)

[Best Bar for Age 31 - Nas "2nd Childhood" & Kanye West "Late"]
Yo, dude is 31, livin in his moms crib
Ex-convict, was paroled there after his long bid

and...

Yeah, I heard the alarm, yeah I heard you, mom
Yeah, yeah, I don't wanna be broke when I'm 31

[Best Bar for Age 32 - Jay-Z, "Diamond is Forever"]
Young cause I'm thirty-two, dressed like I'm twenty-two
Flow like a 18, do what I wanna do

[Best Bar for Age 33 - Nas, "One Mic"]
Jesus died at age 33, there's 33 shots
From twin Glocks there's sixteen apiece, that's 32
Which means one of my guns was holding 17
27 hit your crew. 6 went into you

[Nothing For Age 34]

[Best Bar for Age 35, Ice Cube "Urbanian"]
When I ride by, well over 35
Y'all still run and hide, scared of a driveby

[Best Bar for Age 36, Lil B, "Look Like Jesus"]
Only young hoes, faces 36, I'm booming now

[There's A Lull Between The Ages of 36 and 41]

[Best Bar for Age 42 Jay-Z, "Primetime"]
At 42 be better than 24s,
I carry the 4-5, mastered 48 laws
Still wearing my 23's, they can't fuck with the boy
Far as them 16's, I'm 23 of it all