Adelaide’s Lament

[ADELAIDE]
It says here:
The average unmarried female
Basically insecure
Due to some long frustration may react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract

In other words, just from waiting around for that plain little band of gold
A person can develop a cold

You can spray her wherever you figure there's streptococci lurk
You can give her a shot for whatever's she's got, but it just won't work
If she's tired of getting the fish eye from the hotel clerk
A person can develop a cold

Oh, it says here:
The female remaining single
Just in the legal sense, yeah
Shows a neurotic tendency, see note (Oh, no)
Chronic organic syndromes
Toxic or hyper tense
Involving the eye, the ear, the nose, and throat

In other words, just from wondering whether the wedding is on or off
A person can develop a cough

You can feed her all day with the vitamin A and the bromofizz
But the medicine never gets anywhere near where the trouble is
If she's getting a kind of name for herself, and the name ain't his
A person can develop a cough, ah, yeah

And further more, just from stalling, and stalling
And stalling the wedding trip
A person can develop la grippe

When they get on the train to Niagara
And she can hear church bells chime
The compartment is air conditioned
And the mood sublime
Then they get off at Saratoga for the fourteenth time!
A person can develop la grippe, yeah
La grippe, that's it
La post nasal drip, uh-huh
With the wheezes
And the sneezes
And a sinus that's really a pip!
Oh, God

From a lack of community property
And a feeling she's getting too old
A person can develop a bad, bad cold!
Achoo!