A Thing Named Kim

One two, one two
The Diabolical's back again
With the Cutmaster Cool V
At the boards my man Paul Sea
But this goes out to my man Danny Dan
The beat man that makes you understand
He want me to tell somethin bout this girl named Kim
I'ma do it like this

[Verse One]
Well it was one of those days when nothing's right with the world
I was half broke, bored, and fed up with my girl
Lookin for somethin to do but wonderin how long
It would take for the next thing to go wrong
So I decided to hang, go out and ease my mind
I told myself you would never know what you might find
I took a hot bubble bath, instead of a shower
Got rid of "The Dragon," it took me a hour
Decided on a sweatsuit, Gucci red and white
Some rings and some ropes, and then I'm on for the night
The Gucci sneakers some cologne, I think Aramis
I look in the mirror and said, "Biz you look - marvelous!"
I jetted out the door, and hailed a taxi
And said "54 in a hurry," and jumped in the backseat
We arrived he said, "$8.50 and that don't count my tip"
I said, "Don't drink and drive -
GIMME MY CHANGE before I bust ya lip!"
The club was jumpin and word is bond
I saw girls walkin around with jeans painted on
Splittin they skirts up the middle, tight leather and lace
Both me and Jimmy agree, we're gonna like this place
Took a seat at the bar, the girl said what are ya drinkin?
A Coke and a smile child, and slid her a Lincoln
Took a sip of my four dollars, she looked at me strange
I said, "Psych I bet you thought you was gonna keep the change"
I made my way through the crowd, it was plain to see
Same everywhere I go, all eyes on me
I sat down at the table, and one of the staff
Said, "Ain't you the Biz" I said, "Yeah but no autographs"
I sat alone in the corner, and sipped my drink
Happened to look across the room and somebody winked
I did the only thing the Diabolical could do
Looked down to see what that I was attached to
Sure enough it was a girl, a sweet female
Her hair and eyes sparkled like ginger ale
I looked lower to her lips, her chin and her neck
And fantasized about the rest, then decided to check
I sent champagne to her table, the waiter asked her name
He returned with Kim, and I almost came
I checked myself and made sure, I looked alright
And told my dick, "Don't worry - we're fuckin tonight!"
Threw her the Kool-Aid smile, and a dash of charm
I stepped to the lady and tapped her arm
But when she turned around, my smile turned to gloom
She didn't look none like she looked across the room
She had big broad shoulders and her titties was big
They were filled with silicone, and her hair was a wig
She had more makeup than Boy George and Phyllis Diller
Ugly enough to be a monster in "Thriller"
Had hair on her chest longer than King Spade
Even though I got a band, I don't need the AIDS
So I hurried out and left, she said, "Please stay"
I said, "Sorry money grip, I don't go that way"
So I stepped out in a hurry, to gather my wits
And thought that's a damn shame, he had nice tits
And that's the last I ever saw of Kim
You wanna know why? Cause she's a he and her's a him
Like that and-a, like that and-a
I'm not the man called Dantana
You go on and on and on and on and on and on and on
Don't go to Getty, go to Exxon.. {*echoes*}

[Biz Markie shout outs and ad libs]