A Telegram For Me, Sir?

[Verse]
Rather give brain to twelve hundred undead shemales
Than answer these twelve hundred unread emails
Shit, how'd I let shit get this bad?
And why are all these friend requests from kids named Brad?
Why not a Madelyn or an Ashley or two?
Then maybe I'd respond in a timely fashion to you
This is not a friend request, just a friendly request
That we should bring back the motherfucking Pony Express
I suggest that if a horsе and his dude might die
For you to send your thing out and gеt a reply
Then maybe you might try to make email more meaningful
That's why you females haven't been recieving all my letters
They're blowing around in the wind
That poor boy and his horse encountered Indians

(And I feel bad for him, honestly)