A Million Ways to Die

[Verse 1]
Cowboys and pioneers, come lend your eyes and ears
I've got the need to testify
Don't try to fill your nest out in the open west
'Cause there's a million ways to die

[Verse 2]
Six bullets in the gut or just a paper cut
Too many ways to quantify
They'll cut your ankle off to cure a minor cough
'Cause there's a million ways to die

[Chorus]
(A million ways to die)
It's a hundred and one in the shade of the sun
If you fall asleep, you fry
(A million ways to die)
You can live like a saint but there just really ain't
No avoiding a million ways to die

[Verse 3]
Smallpox and bigger pox, and deadly tomahawks
Or God forbid you steal a pie
They'll blast you into shards for being good at cards
'Cause there's a million ways to die

[Verse 4]
Out on the desert plains it hardly ever rains
And you can hear coyotes cry
They'll eat you up and then they'll shit you out again
'Cause there's a million ways to die

[Chorus]
(A million ways to die)
With a whoosh and a whack there's a knife in your back
'Cause you got a fancy tie
(A million ways to die)
It's a kick in the pants but you don't have a chance
Of escaping a million ways to die
(A million ways to die)